Day 117

When he had just started to speak as a baby, it was complete gobbledygook to everyone. My Mum was impressed by how I could figure out exactly what he wanted to convey. I am sure this is not uncommon.

When he was 19 and we would be cooking together in the kitchen, I could make out from his body language when he was putting off going to the loo. I would point it out to him and he would be most embarrassed. He would say,” You are not supposed to know this!!!” I couldn’t help it. I could just read him.

While going over his medical notes recently, I noticed there were some important facts that were missed out in his psychiatric history. If they had asked me I would have told them these very relevant facts that they missed. But of course, he was over 18, an adult. Hence, what I had to say was of no importance even though he was mentally ill and I was not. Even though I was his prime carer and wanted him to get better more than anyone else.

Dear Psychiatrists, please speak with and listen to the Mum. She knows things no one else does and the level of ‘preciousness’ in her heart for your patient and her child is unmatchable.

Now, all I can do is bleed.

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth……

But if you love and must needs have desires,
let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

– Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

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