Day 172

As I looked at the faces in the room, I recognized a common something in their eyes. I don’t know what it’s called but I have it too. They were all strangers to me and yet at some level we were all deeply connected by a common thread – the loss of a dear one to suicide – a husband, a mum, a brother, a boy friend, a sister, a dad and a few sons, mostly in their twenties. We had all experienced that horrendous reality – some more than a decade ago and others as recent as 3 months ago.

The sharing was open, real, practical, sensitive, funny, honest and heart wrenching at times. Familiar themes of ‘why’s and ‘what if’s emerged. It was a proper exchange among equals. We were there to see how we could help each other and at the same time to find a safe place to be able to speak about it. Sometimes I feel like walking up to complete strangers and telling them what happened – almost as a way of making myself believe it actually did happen.

It was good to see so many people who have survived what sometimes seems unsurvivable. I knew they would not just understand in their heads but really know in their hearts how it feels.

I was at my first SOBS meeting today – Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide. I will definitely be going back.

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