This evening I knocked on my neighbour’s door to borrow a couple of onions for a tortilla I wanted to cook for dinner. She didn’t have any. She said my son used to occasionally knock on her door for the same reason. We both smiled. She then said,” I would just substitute it with celery. That’s what I once told him.” So, that is what I did. I substituted 2 onions with a stick of celery. It made me feel like my son and I had shared this event with each other and had a laugh.
I look for a connection with him everywhere. In the kitchen, the local park, in the sky, the local shops, his friends, his school and teachers, in daisy chains, the sun behind the clouds, music … everywhere.
When a child is born, the parent’s lives change forever.
When a child dies, it is the same.
The park bench was the perfect place to sit facing the sun with my eyes closed. I sat silently feeling the coolness of the breeze and the warmth of the sun at the same time. I just sat still with my eyes closed. An indeterminate amount of time later I found a deep connection inside. The connection between me and myself, between me and my son, between me, the universe and beyond. I felt one with everything and everybody. I felt completely at peace. Everything felt perfect. I felt happy.
Later I understood that all those things that I try to find outside of me are actually present within me already.