Day 239

Sleep is an escape. A break. A relief. But it runs away from me every night, like a sneaky little mouse. I catch glimpses of it but never catch it unassisted. I have tried to lure it back home night after night in many ways – a hot shower or bath just before bed, a vigorous evening walk, gentle music, reading poetry at bedtime and many similar things. Finally I found that 1 little milligram of Melatonin slipped under the tongue works like magic giving me 5 hours of deep restful sleep.

While driving out into the countryside for the weekend, I panicked at the realization that I had forgotten to bring any melatonin with me. Oh boy!

To my utter delight I woke up this morning after undisturbed deep sleep for 9 hours. No dreams, no nasty thoughts, no grief, no regrets, no nothing. Just pure sleep! I felt fresh and blissful when I woke up. I had a strange sense of achievement. First time in nearly eight months, a full night’s sleep! Was it just a one off or does this mean that things are starting to settle down at a sub-conscious level? Was it just the peace and quiet of the countryside or its pure and clean air?

Whatever it was, I am grateful for it and I hope this is the first of many.

Like a long time ago I went to the mirror and gave myself a smile.

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