Day 399

Sometimes the situation is such that everyone is left speechless.
There are no words.
Nothing anyone can say or do can make it better or go away or somehow make it less.
Everyone is stunned into silence.
The awfulness of the situation is just too awful.

At times like these what should be done? Keep quiet? Do nothing? Stay away?
Text? Whatsapp?

I find that all we need to do is – show up. Be present.

Being there says everything.
It’s ok to say you don’t know what to say.
It’s ok to just sit in the same room.
May be hold hands, hug or have tea.
May be cry, sing, laugh or talk about what to have for lunch.
It’s ok to offer to go for a walk or to get some groceries.

For the first 6 months after Saagar died by suicide, I could only keep myself together when someone was around me. Left alone for 5 minutes I would completely disintegrate. I clearly remember all the people who came to visit, especially those who said nothing. Their body language said it all. The lines on their faces, the three hours it must have taken them to drive to my house, the empathy in their hand shake, the compassion in their gentle hug spoke louder than any words could.

Actions do speak louder than words.
Showing up is enough.

 (PS: I am practicing saying he ‘died by suicide’ as it is much harder than saying he passed away. In fact he didn’t just ‘pass away’.)

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