Day 546

Today was a Thursday in the middle of this month. On another Thursday in the middle of October, a year and a half ago, Saagar said he ‘can’t take this anymore.’

Today we held a vigil at Hyde Park in the memory of Saagar and others like him – those who wouldn’t believe how precious they are and those who lost all hope. It was the second one of its kind. Not all of us knew each other but in a strange way we did. We all came with pictures of our loved ones and placed them in the centre of a circle we formed around them. We lit candles in their memory. We thought of them with love as the sun went into hiding.

The wind blew at 10 miles an hour as predicted by the weatherman. Some candles stay lit and others were blown out by it. I caught myself saying, ”We’ll keep them going for as long as we can.” Symbolic? A little later, someone said “ It’s not always the wind, some lamps stop burning because the oil in them is finished.” How true.

The silence we shared was most profound. Tears fell. Lots of them. Some silently. Some mini-storms.

Saagar’s friends were there – 8 of them. His best friend, H announced that he had never sung in public before but Saagar always encouraged him to. So, this was his first time, singing and strumming his guitar in front of a gathering of people. He sang soulfully. The music was once again, connecting us all with each other and with nature. It allowed the feelings to flow. “Tears in heaven” and “Wish you were here” were super hits.

There were a lot of hugs. Every time his friends and I hugged, I felt his presence. They hugged me and the part of me that is him. I hugged them and the part of them that is him. Some of the pain eased. We found some healing.


4 thoughts on “Day 546

  1. I attended the vigil yesterday on my own and it was a beautiful event. Thank you so much for bringing everyone together. I still can’t believe this, but my parents read your blog every single day, and I had no idea when I met you last night until my Mum (by total coincidence) forwarded this to me! You even said to me last night ‘give my love to your parents’. Such a kind thing to say when I was a complete stranger… The gifts that they leave for us just keep on coming don’t they? I don’t suppose as well, that by any MIRACLE any of the group when they left found a small gold watch in the grass? I got home and it had disappeared off my wrist. I am devastated as it has huge sentimental value…

    Thank you again,

    Harriet xx


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