Day 755

There was no choice but to have a child-minder. She was a kind and gentle single woman who lived close by. She could accommodate my emergency night duties that came once every 3 or 4 nights. She picked him up from school most days except when I had an off-day post on-call. He loved to see me at the school gates. He ran to me with a big smile and open arms.

This afternoon we met again for the first time since Saagar’s death. It seemed like a completely different world. She said she loved him. He was the best child she had ever looked after. “I had such high hopes for him” she said, “always well mannered with a mischievous smile. He got on with everyone.” We wept holding hands.

We remembered the time when he would religiously have chicken noodles in her house every time he spent an evening there. He would keep mum about the dinner he had already eaten at home. We discovered his trick a few months in but let him get away with it. We laughed holding hands.

He lives in both our hearts forever.

I wonder if being well mannered and well dressed, having a firm hand-shake and making good eye-contact, asking intelligent questions and speaking well, being from a stable and educated family, automatically puts someone in the ‘low-risk’ for suicide category in the eyes of the health professionals.

No one but no one is immune.


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