Since the time he left for university, I took time to strengthen my daily practices of yoga, breathing exercises and meditation. I also took singing lessons and felt great about that. I felt like I was 25 again but with a deeper sense of self.
Once a colleague asked me how I was doing and I said ‘Excellent!” He was a bit taken aback by my overly positive response but that was the truth at the time. Those two years put me in a really good place. Looking back, I believe nature was preparing the ground for a meteorite to hit.
This morning I woke up really feeling the darkness of the dawn. While it was bright and sunny, I just wanted to sit holding my head in my hands. The burden of another day!
It’s like carrying a gigantic mountain around.
When the earth is hit by a comet, some of the energy is deflected but most of the force of the impact needs to be absorbed by the earth. The mantel is deformed and cracked, the molten core is disrupted causing changes in the polarity of the entire planet, huge tsunamis and immense volcanoes can be triggered and entire species can be wiped out.
Similarly, while talking, writing and sharing help, the real stuff of dealing with the impact of something like this has to be somehow absorbed by my Being. The huge transfer of energy that takes place at that moment carries for a long time. There is no formula, no tricks or tips for doing it better or faster.
Suicide doesn’t end pain, it reassigns it.