Everybody is missing something.

This evening I finished reading ‘Norwegian Wood’ by Murakami Haruki. It left me strangely nostalgic, comforted, entertained and stunned. No big words or complex sentences but so very impactful. This simple but profound story of an ordinary young man is written in the first person. It starts with a young death and ends on a painful but soft note. I didn’t know anything about it before I started reading it except that this is one of his bestsellers.

An intriguing figure, Murakami is a runner and a lover of cats, books and jazz music. His love of music led him to run a jazz bar in his 20s. While watching a baseball match at the age of 29, he was struck by the thought that he could try writing a novel and since then, he has written more than thirty-five. His reclusive and humble nature means he doesn’t do many interviews.

His genre is ‘magical realism’ but he claims that his skill lies in creating dreams. He does not see magic and reality as two opposing sides of life. He believes they flow together as he follows the characters in his stories.

I paraphrase a part of the book that spoke deeply to me. While the narrator grieves the recent death of his friend, images came back to him: her touching the hair slide she always wore; her peering at him with those incredibly clear eyes of hers; her sitting on the sofa, legs drawn up beneath her blue nightdress, chin resting on her knees.

While he sleeps on a beach, the tide sweeps him along to a strange new place, a place where he lived with the dead. Here, he could speak with her and hold her in his arms.

And to him she said, “Don’t worry, it’s only death. Don’t let it bother you.”

What’s the problem? She asked him with a bashful smile, “I’m here. Aren’t I?”

If this is death, he thought to himself, it’s not so bad.

It’s true, she said. Death is nothing much. It’s just death. Things are so easy for me here.

From death he learnt that death exists, not as the opposite but as a part of life. That no truth can cure the sadness we feel from losing a loved one. No sincerity, no kindness, can cure that sorrow. All we can do is see that sadness through to the end and learn something from it, but what we learn will be of no help in facing the next sadness that comes to us without warning.

“If you remember me, I don’t care if everyone else forgets.”

A quote from Kafka on the Shore.

Resource: Online peer-support for bereaved parents:

Circle of Remembrance (CORe): http://www.core-community.com

This is.

Posted by kidsaregifts20

9 am. The mist has cleared and the Red-whiskered Bulbuls are out with their sweet song, proudly wearing shiny black mohawks. Post-monsoon, the grass has shot up to nearly four feet high, its slender golden heads gently swaying in the cool light breeze. Pearlescent dew is clinging to the edges of the blades of grass. A frisky young jack-fruit tree is now competing with the elderly rosewood that’s been there for a decade. Coffee is brewing. An occasional motor-bike rumbles past. The chikoo (Sapodilla) tree is heavy with fruit. The palm frond is browning and half of it has peeled off the smooth striped trunk. A hint of jasmine in the air every now and then.

I sit here, breathing, looking at the hilly horizon and everything else, just as it is. Not one thing is wrong. Nothing out of place. The blinking of the eyes. Laughter, when it comes. Tears, when they come. Thoughts as they come and go. The Ficus extending skyward, regardless. The copper-leaf shrub being copper. The grass being its verdant green self. The breeze being its gentle self. This moment being open and present to me exactly as it is.

Not a thing missing. Nothing extra. Not a thing needing fixed or changed or made better.

All perfectly natural. Simple. This is. I am. We are.

Surrender is not defeat.

Posted by kidsaregifts20

(Photo credit: Sangeeta Mahajan. Exeter)

“I am trying so hard. What more can I do?”

Our unmet expectations, people’s insensitivities and our own regrets and strife are recurring themes in our discussions within the Circle of Remembrance, a peer support group for parents bereaved by suicide.

Caught up in coping with our life and getting rid of a negative sense of self or tolerating something someone said or did or didn’t, our focus on ourselves does not fade.

What if we stop the war on ourselves?

Stop all effort of fixing, doing, striving. Take a pause.

Buddha’s greatest disciple was Ananda. Until Buddha’s death Ananda was deeply devoted to him. After his death when the great council of the Enlightened was called, Ananda was not invited. Despite all his hard work, he had not reached Enlightenment. So, that evening he sat down to meditate, determined to attain full enlightenment. He practiced vigorously all night. After many hours he was exhausted. No progress! He was discouraged. Towards dawn, he decided to let go of the striving and just lie down and rest. The moment his head touched the pillow, he was enlightened.

What made it happen? Simply resting in presence.

Waking up out of his thoughts and opening his heart.

He had prepared the ground for awakening through many years of practice.

Surrendering all the ‘doing’.

Relaxing back into awareness that was already there, he realized freedom.

A sacred pause. Letting go of ego and ceasing all effort.

We may not be able to ‘will’ surrendering but our inner wisdom knows that the pathway is surrender.

Our mind can be quiet and present. Our heart can be willing and prayerful.

But awareness does the work.

In the light and tenderness of Awareness, thoughts dissolve, bodily resistance softens, fears and grasping unwind.

Awareness illuminates its own presence – the truth of who we are.

It is not ‘I’ who does the surrendering, rather the tangles of the sense of self naturally release in the light of open, tender, non-doing presence.

The answer to ‘what more can we do’ may be, rest back in what is.

(Inspired by Tara Brach teachings.)

Behind our closed eyes.

Posted by kidsaregifts20

“I am no longer being woken up by zombies coming to get me, in an apocalyptic world. My sleep is better.”

‘What do you see now?’

“Some unsettling incongruous domestic situations but nothing terrible. Nothing that kicks me out of my sleep.”

This indicated to me that my client’s level of threat-perception was lessening. I don’t know much about dream interpretation, so I do not attempt to go deep into that, but I know that they can release energy and reveal messages from the subconscious, inside the safety of sleep. They can erase unnecessary emotional files stored in the primitive brain and prioritize what is relevant and important.

A friend dreamt of working with elephants in a forest repeatedly. This seemed completely random to her. She sold solar panels for a living and had been planning on taking a sabbatical, which commenced 3 months into these recurrent dreams. She booked a one-way ticket to Thailand and the day after she arrived, she found out that a new orphanage for elephants had opened that very day in her neighbourhood. What are the chances? Of course, she volunteered there for months and loved it.

As per Ayurveda, there are seven types of dreams:

those based on what was seen
heard
reflected upon
desired
imagined
those foretelling something and
those caused by illnesses or possibly predict specific illnesses

They intrigue me as they are communications from a deeper self that has access to everything that we cannot consciously know. Psychologists have dwelt upon them for centuries. The basic idea behind Jungian dream theory is that dreams reveal more than they conceal. Jung did not believe that dreams need to be interpreted for them to perform their function. They operate as safety valves for the psyche. They are worthy of attention as they are an important source of information about vanished people, places and experiences in our lives.

Freud called them, via regia, the royal road to the unconscious, but a strong force within us strains to conceal our dream messages from us in ingenious ways such as obscure symbols and the ethereal nature of dreams by which most of them, we forget. It’s a good idea to write them down while we still remember them. Another good reason to get a new notebook 😉

As I venture into the world of Hypnotherapy, I find a deeper learning, connection and understanding of the inner worlds of others and myself.

Resource: Benefits of keeping a dream journal

Out of office reply.

Posted by kidsaregifts20

Who we are doesn’t always show up in the way we do things. Something holds us back from bringing our unique gifts to the world. In my case it has been the fear of being judged as too soft, too loopy. We end up being like (read ‘as boring as’) everyone else. May be they are terrorised by other’s judgements too. Best to stick to the narrow and straight.

Yesterday, the e-mail below bounced into my inbox, all purple and pink in Comic Sans MS. It was such a refreshing change from the bland factual one-line out-of-office replies, that I had to share it here. He spoke the same language as me and so unreservedly. Being himself fully.

The mission statement of the Co-production collective he leads is : “Our vision is a world where diverse knowledge and experience are recognised and valued in the co-production of research, services, and policy development.”

Indeed, changing the world, one connection at a time. Not losing a single opportunity to connect. Not even an e-mail from a stranger.

💛 Hello lovely,

Thank you so much for your email.

I’m really grateful you’ve taken the time to get in touch.

If you’ve emailed me, it’s probably because something matters to you. Please know that it matters to me too.

I just wanted to let you know that I may take a little while to reply.

I live with a number of long-term health conditions, so I’ve learnt that I need to be intentional about how I use my time and energy. Some days I’m happily working away with a cuppa by my side. Other days, my laptop stays closed while I take the time I need to rest, recover and simply be.

That hasn’t always been easy.

For a long time, I thought I had to keep pushing, always be available and put everyone else first. I’m slowly learning that rest isn’t something we have to earn. Looking after ourselves isn’t selfish. It’s what helps us keep showing up for the people and things we love.

📧 I aim to reply to emails within three working days, although occasionally it may take a little longer if my health needs to come first.

🚨 If your enquiry is genuinely urgent, or you’ve not heard from me after a few days, please contact my wonderful PA at pa.isaacsociety@gmail.com, who’ll be happy to help or make sure anything important reaches me.

🌿 Before you go, here’s a few gentle reminders, for both of us.

🤍 You don’t have to earn your rest.

🌱 Healing doesn’t always mean doing more. Sometimes healing looks like slowing down.

💚 Your worth has never been measured by how busy you are, how many emails you answer or how much you achieve. You matter simply because you’re you.

⚖️ A kinder world starts with how we treat each other, but it also starts with how gently we treat ourselves.

☕ So, if you can, put the kettle on. Step outside for a few minutes. Listen to the birds. Hug someone you love. Cuddle a pet. Sit in the sunshine. Read a few pages of a good book. Have the nap. The emails will still be here when you get back.

If today feels heavy, I hope you know you don’t have to carry it on your own. Reach out to someone you trust. Speak to a friend, a family member or someone who can be there with you.

If you’re in the UK or Ireland and you’re in emotional distress or crisis, you can contact Samaritans any time, day or night, by calling 116 123 or emailing jo@samaritans.org. You don’t have to be suicidal to get in touch. Sometimes we all need someone to listen.

Thank you for your patience, your understanding and your grace. It means more than you know.

Take gentle care of yourself.

With love,

Isaac Samuels OBE
Social Change Leader
Changing the world, one connection at a time.

💚 “Be gentle with yourself. The same compassion you so freely give to others is something you deserve too.”