How we do it is important.

They said that Saagar was discharged from the Mental health services because he wanted to return to his education. His parents wanted the same. Correct.

The Home Treatment Team decided it was the best thing. Great. They handed over his care to his GP.

After his death, carelessness was found to be the root of the problem. His Discharge Summary did not name Saagar’s illness. The person who wrote it had never met Saagar. He was carrying out a formality without understanding its significance. He didn’t quite grasp his role in the business of keeping a person alive.

His GP, on the basis of the information he had received went on to treat Saagar for an illness he did not have with medications positively dangerous for young people. He believed he was doing his best by maintaining Saagar’s confidentiality and not sharing his para-suicidal status with us while expecting us to look after him at home. He did his job but his patient died.

They all did what they thought right but how they did it determined the outcome, which was tragic.

The same applies to small things. I can request someone to stop smoking in my space but how I do it matters. I can ask someone to pick up their litter, take their shoes off the train seat and use ear-phones while watching videos on their cell-phone.

Multitasking is not to be glorified.

Doing one thing at a time and doing it well is of much more value than doing five things simultaneously and all shoddy. For instance, being a 100% present during a conversation without checking my phone once. Leaving it on silent mode in the other room with the door shut is my secret for getting into the flow of writing. Being fully present to the page and the pen and the soft scratchy sound that the tip of my pen makes as it moves in a squiggly line from left to right.  Letting everything disappear except the ink freeing itself into the world.

Dis _ _ _ _ tions!

Sitting at my desk, hoping to create gold on paper (read computer screen). I wonder what’s on radio? A new Urdu poem on Instagram? The angle of the sun getting snazzier by the day. That pile of unopened mail, staring at me. Those people walking by the window, in all-white costumes, singing. Are they drunk? The silencer in that car is not working.

The answer phone, blinking. Oh! That pending phone call to Mum and that long overdue important e-mail. Wonder if it’s cycling weather tomorrow. My hair, so bad from sweating inside the helmet. My stomach’s churning again. I wonder if the orchids need more water in this weather. Maybe I should look it up. No. No. Later. That new film someone recommended on Netflix. That Book at Bedtime – I need to catch up with the first two episodes. A-level results came out today. I hope the majority of the students were not disappointed. Saagar did so well in his A-level exams! Ten years ago.

That picture perfect Expedia cloud, framed in the middle of my window. This breeze, just like the one before the first monsoon shower back home. Wonder if anyone’s reading the report I wrote. Wonder if many patients will make it to the hospital tomorrow for their appointments. What do the train drivers do when they are on strike? I see the point they are trying to make. They believe they’re doing it for us all. Good for them.

The laundry needs sorted and put away. I need to pack for the weekend. A cup of jasmine tea and a piece of chocolate would be perfect. It’s too late to write anything sensible now. So, here’s praying for better luck tomorrow. Good night for now.