A prayer

Posted by kidsaregifts20

She’s a friend who’s been sober for more than 20 years. A devout member of the AA, she is religious about it. Even today, her ex-alcoholicness is an important part of her identity and her sense of achievement. It is her story, her life.

At a recent dinner …

“Oh no! This is your glass. I’ve already had half of it thinking it was mine. I didn’t even taste the gin in it. Oh no!” She said to Si.

‘Yes. We made our drinks together before I went to the loo. Your lime-soda was in the pink glass and my G&T was in the blue. I thought you knew. This is an easy mistake to make amidst all the music and the noise. Don’t worry. Forget about it. You obviously didn’t do it on purpose. It just happened.’

“Yes. But …”

The AA says: “No one who has become an alcoholic has ever ceased to be an alcoholic. The mere fact of abstaining from alcohol for months or even years has never qualified an alcoholic to drink “normally” or socially. Once the individual has crossed the borderline from heavy drinking to irresponsible alcoholic drinking, there seems to be no retreat.”

I dread to think of the turmoil within her in the aftermath of that innocent mistake. I can’t claim to understand how she must feel. It came as a shock when she texted us to say she didn’t want to see us anymore.

It made me sad. It made me see the power of our beliefs and narratives, how they can hold us hostage if we let them. I can’t do much except pray for us all.

May we all grow in the ability to love ourselves, and one another.

May we grow in the ability to catch ourselves when we start spinning out.

May we all be able to stay with our experience as it is.

May we all remember, when we’re getting all caught up, to go look at the sky.

May we remember when we’re hurting, that other people are in the same boat. Rather than letting our hurt make us more afraid, allow that same suffering help us realize our shared humanity.

Connection of Care

Posted by kidsaregifts20

What did I miss most when I retired from being a doctor?

Patients.

The dignity with which they put up with so much angst and uncertainty constantly inspired me. They smiled. They tried to be gentle, often through pain. I felt a deep connection of care with them. When I stopped working, I missed my patients most.

Over the last 15 months, I have been studying the principles of Hypnotherapy and learning the skills of Solution Focused Brief Hypnotherapy. Anaesthesia is to Medicine what Hypnosis is to therapy. The parallels are clear to me. The course was enjoyable and insightful, and the practice is deeply satisfying. I can now work online with my clients from this remote little village where we live. Once again, I have that caring connection with people.

The fundamental physiological principle on which Hypnotherapy is based is that of Neuroplasticity – the ability of the brain at any age to grow and morph in response to repeated use of certain neural tracks. Cells that fire together, wire together, states Hebb’s law. This essentially means that the repeated use of certain pathways strengthens them and disuse of others, weakens them.

The belief at the root of this practice is that all the resources we need are already present within us. The art is to have access to them, to be self-aware and make decisions from a place of strength, not fear.

Insomnia, weight loss, depression and anxiety, stopping smoking, grief, getting over a phobia, relationship issues and stress are the most common presenting complaints. I am fascinated with the process as I see people identify small steps for themselves that add up over time to produce the big changes they want in their lives. One or two bonus ones as well.

One of my clients was mainly concerned about her weight. She didn’t like her photos and hated shopping for clothes. Otherwise, her life was good. She shared it with her husband of 28 years. After 6 weeks in therapy, she started to comment on her relationship with her husband, which seemed to be improving. She was responding differently to the things he said and did. That really helped. By Week 8, she was enthralled by how famously the two of them were getting on. At our 10^th and last meeting, the weight wasn’t even mentioned. She had taken charge of her life.

“I think I have been more positive since we started. More considered, certainly. My responses have become calmer. This has helped many of my interactions, especially with Mike. There are people who trigger me, however, that I still find it difficult to respond in a calm way (my mother). My activity levels have been steady. I rate my confidence as being a bit improved. I am trying to value myself more and my body. I am still a very organised person, but I suppose I am ‘letting things happen’ a bit more. I find that the small improvement in my levels of confidence and interactions have made a difference. My reactions and responses help me.

As far as happiness is concerned, I often rate how I feel and think about what little thing I could do to improve how I feel. In general, the sessions have helped me view how I act and interact with others. I can ‘hear’ your voice calmly in the background when I take time to consider how I feel. I am also good at scoring myself.

There have been some difficult moments recently (regarding my mother), and I have managed to step back for a few days and recharge.”

I feel fortunate to have found this new line of work that is essentially a series of creative conversations.

Resource: An international School for training to be a Hypnotherapist: https://inspiraology.com/

We’re crying for softness.

Posted by kidsaregifts20

(A tapestry by Sheila Hicks)

Threads. Blankies. Comforters.

If we let it, this hard world of sharp angles and square blocks, straight logic and serrated edges can seep into us and concrete us from the inside. That must not be allowed to happen as it may be impossible to undo.

We, tender-fleshed people, need cushioning. We, supple spongy beings, seek preservation through rounded, silky, fluffy coverings. Our need to be nestled with tenderness inside the pliable delicate tissue of another’s compassion is primal. It must be recognized as the ultimate necessity for living.

To keep softness alive in a world so harsh is the job at hand in this moment.

In any moment, ever.

Secretly we’re all yearning for something that is warm, welcoming, and soft. Born into the young arms of our mother, held against her soft chest, we’re rocked gently to sleep, patted rhythmically on the back and hummed to. Lullabies ringing and sleep half-arriving into this space of trust and love. Remember how easy it was to rest into it, knowing all was well and would be well? Let it be thus again.

“Life is better when you surround yourself with people for whom kindness isn’t a strategy, it’s a way of life.”

Sheila Hicks

Like cloud joining cloud.

Posted by kidsaregifts20

Loss Too Deep for Words

When all that seems real is lost,
where words blur and fail,
where intention cannot reach the depth,
where heart hungers
and soul starves.

Only the warmth in the heart of another
finds the pulse,
like cloud joining cloud,
a delicate meeting
before language.

Seeing and seen,
no grandeur, no pretence.

Not words.
Not healing.
Not intention.

Not reviving.
Not demanding.
Not offering.
Not outside, just there, stepped inside.
Rare.

Once isolated, unreachable,
now golden sun emerging, real.

Only that which is real
can touch that which is real.

Nothing survives
that is not love.

By Tony Bisson

(Tony is a bereaved father. He wrote this poem expressing what being in the Circle of Rememberance means to him.)

Let there be colour.

Posted by kidsaregifts20

In this land of limited resources, every day we see ingenious use of everyday things – old saris stitched together to cover a car, old tyres reused as planting pots and old t-shirts repurposed for dusting or cleaning.

When I moved to the UK, I was horrified at the amount of paper that was binned for the smallest of reasons – a slight crinkle, a minor misprint, a tiny smudge. People failed to notice that there were two usable sides to every A4 sheet. If one side was unusable, the other was there to jot down a list, play knots and crosses, or simply, create a doodle. It is refreshing to return to a place where hardly anything is discarded as useless, unless it really is. The inventiveness of the people is inspiring, even though it is motivated by saving money. They probably don’t know it, but they are also helping save the environment.

Limitations can serve creativity. That is why deadlines work. They push you to finish. It is easier to write in response to a writing prompt as it focuses the mind. Newton came up with the Theory of Calculus in quarantine. Faith Ringgold was born in Harlem. She was an arts teacher who wanted to paint large canvasses but didn’t have the space needed. So, she started stitching themed pictures into quilts, which she could carry and display with ease.

Recently, I’ve been wondering if my creative efforts at teaching Spoken English to the local kids will be of any use to them in the long run. The school’s modus operandi is cramming. They have a verb for it – by-hearting. I believe corporal punishment is forbidden on paper, but you wouldn’t know that in practice. The rule remains stuck to the paper.

If nothing else, we create a few light moments in the day. Some colour, some play, some laughter, some movement. Maybe that’s enough for now.

Resources: How to be more creative: https://youtu.be/oTAdkDyVa9s?si=xFA3h5PEaZ-fIiuN