Day 17

Over the last few days, I have been gathering facts subconsciously, trying to understand the depressive phase of Bipolar Disorder. This information is mainly sourced from conversations with my friends who are psychiatrists.  Here are a few features that are clear:

1. Depression of Bipolar disorder is many times more severe than other forms of clinical depression.

2. Depression that immediately follows mania is very very serious (due to regret for the behaviour during the manic phase)

3. Anti psychotic drugs (Olanzepine – the one my son was on) have a well known side effect : Suicidal thoughts!

4. The medical management of this depression is very difficult and time consuming.

All of these applied in my son’s case. I often asked him to describe how he felt. He said, ‘random thoughts run so fast through my head that I get completely exhausted!’ I don’t think I ever fully understood how that must have felt. May be it is not possible for anyone to know unless they have experienced it. It was heart-breaking to watch him. It felt like he was just an empty shell. He often sat down holding his head in his hands and I teased him about that – I called him ‘David’ when he did that. 🙂

An exquisite ‘brass and mother-of-pearl’ urn was delivered at our door today.

That’s the next step.

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