Day 5

It was a week ago that I had a full day with my darling baby for the very last time. I forced him to shave his beard before going to see the GP as I thought that is only ‘proper’. The GP said that he thought my son was getting better and on being told that he was quite low, he doubled his antidepressants. On requesting a referral to a psychiatrist, he thought they would do the same thing so it was not necessary. Well, this was not the first time he was seeing a case like this so he would know.

We went to the high street for some chores, picked up some fruits and browsed through some lovely little shops together. Came home for a light lunch and then a nap after which I requested him to come down to help me put up a curtain which he did. We counted the number of rings, put on the correct number of hooks at the right gaps and then readjusted them as required. It looked lovely! We were quite pleased with ourselves – me more than him, as usual.

Thereafter, a trip to the therapist and back to his room to watch ‘The office’. I called my brother in tears as I had not seen my child smile all day! It was heart-breaking as this was not him. I suppose that was to be expected because of his illness. Nonetheless it was really difficult to watch and impossible to understand!

Then came a short trip to the gym, picked up some groceries on the way home and cooked a lovely Prawn Paella together. It was delicious! We sat together in the living room for a change and ate while watching ‘Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners’. There were a few reactions from him and at the end he just rested his head on my shoulder. I caressed his head and we had a real moment of tenderness. I shall cherish that moment forever.

Today, I went to the local Funeral directors to make arrangements for the Cremation.

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