Day 192

It seems like I am developing a double personality.

As soon as she enters her place of work she assumes the persona of a professional who is an old hand at what she does. She looks after her patients and watches out for subtle unsaid messages from them, reassures and informs them, pays attention to clinical details, jokes with her colleagues, teaches her students and goes about organizing and assigning resources around whatever needs done. Sometimes she even tells her juniors off for ineffective communication and for causing wastage of time.

The moment the working day comes to an end, she finds a quite place where her grief can find expression again. Her sadness demands her attention. It does not like to be set aside for too long. The questions start reappearing. She absent-mindedly leaves the hospital and falls asleep on the train often overshooting her stop. Some days she boards the wrong train by mistake. This person does not sound like the same person in the previous paragraph but she is.

It’s like living with one foot in each of two worlds.

They are both real. Or, are they?

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