Day 215

It’s been 30 weeks and 6 days.

Has it been long or not so long?

I feel suspended in a pool of time with no beginning, middle or end. Lots of ripples, some huge waves, some small and a few violent storms. Never calm. A temperamental volcano lives beneath this pool, always threatening. An opaque haze hangs over this pool, making everything invisible, especially the horizon.

It was joy I think. That thing I felt. Where things shift into focus for a fraction of a second and everything makes sense. For that snippet of time I could see a lotus in the mud, a pearl in the sludge, an outpouring of grace. It came from a moment of acceptance. Yes. It has happened. I accept. No fight. No questions. Just my breath and I floating across the universe, in  complete harmony with everything within and without. Completely relaxed. Like a baby keeping full faith in the kindness and generosity of Mother Nature. Having no doubt that everything is taken care of.

This is how my son would want me to be – at peace with what is. He is on his journey and I am on mine. I wish him deep and immense joy and I know he wishes me the same. I owe it to him, and to myself, to aim for acceptance and use this new energy creatively.

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