Day 316

Last 5 months have been about coming back from a distant orbit in space to the humdrum of ‘normal’ life. Making sense of the world again and somehow carrying on believing in the ‘bigger plan’. Settling down once again in the house and work while continuously testing myself on how well I can cope with people, surroundings and the demands of work.

It has also meant learning to live with my partner. He moved back from overseas to be with me. It baffles me to think how much difference the presence or absence of one person can make. When I was shrouded in darkness by the disappearance of the light of my life, another source of light and lightness appeared. Because he is here, I can cope. He is my strength. He makes me laugh. He helps me see things from different angles. He tells me when I am wrong. We work hard. We share good times with friends. We cook and clean and do the laundry together. He loves my cats. We talk. He is here. I like living with him.

After 5 months, we left the house for a short holiday. My neighbour will feed the cats, water the plants and light a candle for my sweetheart every evening. I cried as I drove off in the taxi feeling like I was once again abandoning him, knowing full well that is not the case. It’s funny how ‘knowing’ and ‘feeling’ are two completely different things.

Separation is the painful end of one thing and also the beginning of other infinite possibilities

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