While walking anonymously around the streets of London, I watch these huge swarms of people around me. They seem so ‘normal’. They are able to effortlessly smile and laugh and crack jokes as though they live in a perfect world where everything is as it should be. There is no one and nothing missing. There are no voids or black holes. All those who should be alive are alive and happy. There is not a shadow of death in their lives.
I wish I could loose 20 kilos of weight, get turquoise braids and beads in my hair, wear really dark makeup around my eyes, dark purple-pink lipstick, loose flowing velvet and chiffon garments in magenta and green, big bangles, finger rings and ear-rings made of silver and colourful semi-precious stones. I wish I had fancy parties to go to and really funny friends who laughed with me a lot. We drank and smoked and stayed up late every other night just watching films and chatting with not a woe in the world.
In other words, I wish I could live someone else’s life for just a little while, assume a respite persona, a respite mind, a respite life. I am so tired! Good night. xxx
We don’t wear our grief and loss, we carry it inside us and don up our mask for the outside world.
Other people see us also and envy what they see on the exterior or what we wish to show the world. No one would envy us if they know the landscape of our inner world and the continuous emotional and physical pain we carry on a daily basis.
Love to you Sangeeta xx