Day 354

“Grief never ends…. but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. The sense of loss must give way if we’re to value the life that was lived. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith ….. it is the price of love.”

It must be a very long passage or a maze. From where I am right now, I certainly cannot see the end. I am lost in it. It seems to be contained within me, it travels everywhere with me, spilling over every now and then. It is an ocean of salty water that resides within. I am always aware of it – from the first thought in the morning till the last prayer at night. It lives and breathes in my being. I feel pregnant with it.

I stand still where I was many months ago. Nothing seems to have changed. If anything, the sense of loss deepens by the day. I miss him. I miss his hugs and his laughter. I miss cooking for him. I miss driving him around town and listening to funny programmes on the radio. I miss going shopping with him. I miss the way he made fun of me. I miss watching funny cat video clips with him on Youtube. I miss doing chores around the house with him.

A few days ago we had to take down a set of curtains for wash. I remembered putting them up with him in September last year. It made me so sad to think that we would never put up any more curtains together and that the things we had done together will be steadily superceded until, eventually, they will be no more.

One thought on “Day 354

  1. I know there is no words that I can find to comfort you. You are in my thoughts. Take good care of yourself and play your music. Saagar is with you.

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