Day 561

This year I turn 50.
When I was young I could think of turning 30 and 40 but somehow turning 50 had never crossed my mind and here I am, just a few months short of it. It sounds like too many years but I suppose it is as big a deal as I make of it. Si, my family and friends are keen on planning a celebration far more than I am. Although I would be happy to play along, I am not quite in the mood for a big ‘celebration’.

Being here in peaceful surroundings, breathing clean air, drinking naturally pure water, eating fresh organic vegetarian food, doing yoga and meditation everyday, not chasing time and getting good sleep every night has made me look at life and me differently. Most of the things listed above are for free and yet invaluable. The cost of living is so low here and yet I choose to work unearthly hours just to make ends meet. It has often felt like running like crazy on a treadmill, going nowhere.

Some very basic existential questions have come up for me. Of course I need my body and mind to experience the world but I am neither my body nor my mind. What if I stood back from both and looked at my existence that is beyond these two?

How would I live if I had no fear of suffering?
Nature has left us free to choose, trusting our intelligence, trusting that naturally we would seek the highest.

The choice exists in every moment.

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