She lost her son to suicide in 1993. One year before Saagar was born. She wrote to me in response to an article I wrote for the Papyrus newsletter in March 2016 entitled “Mandatory Suicide Prevention Training- Why not?”

It is a beautifully hand-written letter. In her slightly shaky cursive writing she says “I wholeheartedly agree that the profession of GPs must be more tailored to suicide prevention. When Claire Gerarder was chair of the College of General Practice, a fourth year of GP training was discussed. If the length of GP training was as long as Specialist Medical training (7 years), hopefully more disasters could be prevented. For many years I have suffered the indifference and stigma of colleagues and society. Since my son died in 1993 I have worked on ways of prevention of Suicide.”

She signed off with, ”Yours in hope of help, EP.”
“PS: I am not on the internet. I have no e-mail.”
For her, 23 years have passed. Clearly, she is still hurting.
And nothing much has changed.
She sounds a bit like me.

How would she have coped so many years ago?
How did she get through all these years?
Where will I be in 23 years? How would that feel? Will anything change?
It is quite unthinkable.