Day 595


I hate the moment I wake up every morning. Why can I not sleep for longer? Why do I have to wake up at all? How much longer till I can go to bed again? It is so tiring to oppose, fight and resist this reality! So unbearable to carry on as ‘normal’ and pretend all is ok.

What if I did stay in bed? Awake. That’s even worse as I can feel my brain doing somersaults in my head. I focus on my breathing, synchronise it with Si’s breathing and try to think some happy thoughts but nothing works. I force myself out of bed and start pretending, all over again.  It is a herculean task. Had it not been for my painfully strong work ethic, Si’s loving care and his amazing breakfast smoothies I couldn’t do it.

When I resist and by that I mean hate, protest, weep, resent, complain, beg for it to be another way, I have access to even more ways of recreating and maintaining my issue.

The internet is full of stuff like: “Resistance creates blocks, tension and stress. Ultimately, it only causes pain and suffering within yourself and the world. To get what you want, you have to let go of resisting and focusing on what you don’t want. Release your resistance and the flow of abundance, health, and love will flow easily into your life.
The only thing that is ever in your way of moving forward is YOU!!”

Yes. I know but I wish they would make it sound less tacky.

One thought on “Day 595

  1. The way you write is so expressive and so meaningful. The opposite of tackiness. How would you re-interpret, re-write?

    Keep talking, keep writing. I read every post 🙂


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