compassion

Day 513

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Being in university is not as much of a party as it is made out to be. Some students are away from home for the first time. They may experience homesickness and even loneliness. Others may experience financial difficulties or problems coping with academic pressures. Most students feel the need to speak to someone at night when regular support services are unavailable.

Nightline is a remarkable student listening service that is open at night. It is run by students for students. Every night of term, student volunteers answer calls, e-mails, instant messages, texts and talk in person to their fellow students about anything that’s troubling them. As the specially trained Nightline volunteers are students, they can directly empathise with their caller’s problems.

All Nightline services follow 5 core principles : confidential, anonymous, non-judgemental, non-directional and non-advisory (they listen, not lecture).

There are currently 36 Nightlines covering over 90 universities and colleges in the UK and Ireland. More than 1.5 million students have access to a Nightline service. To date 434 Nightline volunteers have accessed the courses which equip them with the knowledge, tools and skills to respond more competently and confidently to callers who self-harm or express suicidal thoughts whilst maintaining good mental health themselves.

Whilst the first Nightline was set up to reduce student suicides, Nightlines today receive calls from students troubled by a variety of issues: bullying or debt to loneliness, depression or bereavement; from arguments with flatmates or worries about a friend to addictions, eating disorders or self-harm; from relationship or family problems to sexuality, sexual abuse or abortion. Nothing is too big or small to contact Nightline about – whatever’s troubling a caller, Nightline is there to listen, all term, all night.

 

 

 

 

Day 511

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Stories are powerful things. They are little windows into our past and future. They can be about anything – disrupted expectations, fulfilled dreams, unrequited love or who we are becoming. They are the roadmap to being human. Through them we explore and express ourselves. They offer us choices – terrifying, exciting, inspiring, heartbreaking and all of the above. They can free us of cultural boundaries and help us discover who we can be through common human-ness. They help us be true to ourselves in our everyday lives through all the little contrasting and conflicting choices we make.

We are told stories by our parents, societies, communities and religions. Sometimes they can be unfulfilling, stopping us from realising our own power. They represent patterns, not each person’s individuality or each individual’s personality.

We tell stories about ourselves to ourselves. These can make the difference between getting through our life everyday or really living the life we want with all the tools available to us. We are only limited by our imagination.

Stories are invaluable. Speaking them out loud and being listened to is empowering. Listening to other people’s stories can be humbling and humanising.

How I wish I did not qualify for this meeting but today I had the good fortune of meeting two beautiful young people who really wanted to listen to my story. They made time and space to meet with a few survivors of suicide from various parts of the UK. They wanted to know about the loved ones we had lost, how we were coping and what needed to be done. They truly listened. They allowed themselves to be moved by our stories. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge came across as real people with sensitive and kind hearts and a strong will to shine a light on mental health related issues.

Today could be a landmark day in the history of Suicide Prevention. I feel happy. The little boat that I have been frantically paddling with the help of a few friends for the past 17 months seems to have got some wind behind it. In fact there might be a fleet on its way. There is hope.

 

Day 508

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What does someone who is thinking of ending his/her life look like?
They look like just anyone – often completely ‘normal’.

Saagar went to the gym the night before Day 0. After I drove him back home he baked some chicken nuggets that we had got from M&S and had them quite quickly. I pointed out to him,”Saagar, that’s just plastic food darling.” He looked me in the eye and with a faint smile said, ”I know.” I thought that was a bit strange but then he had not been himself for a few days and I didn’t want to make a big deal of it. So I let it go.

That was a clue and I missed it. That was the last face to face conversation we had. It was so subtle. I knew nothing. I suspected nothing. I was ‘suicide naïve’.

A few years ago one mother took her daughter to the psychiatrist and told him that the young lady was thinking of jumping in front of a car. The psychiatrist said, “Girls don’t do things like that.” A week later she completed suicide. He missed it. He must have known everything about suicide.

The intention is sometimes clearly conveyed in words:
“I wish I were dead”
“I am tired of life and can’t go on like this”
“If such and such doesn’t happen I’ll kill myself”
“I am going to end it all.”

In other cases, it may be implied:
“You won’t have to worry about me for much longer”
“No one will miss me”
“I just want out”
“The world would be better off without me.”

The clues may lie in the body language and behavior. For example: putting personal affairs in order, giving away prized possessions, previous suicide attempts, acquiring means such as firearms or pills, utter hopelessness, sudden interest or disinterest in religion, unexplained anger, aggression and irritability.

A change in life situation can be a turning point for some. For example, being dismissed from work or expelled from school, loss of any major relationship, diagnosis of a serious terminal illness, anticipated loss of financial security, loss of a valued therapist, counselor or teacher.

Any of us could experience these feelings and any of us could be looking at someone having these feelings. We will only see what we look for.

Day 506

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Last week I attended an appointment at the new GP surgery with our (new) GP for my annual review of Rheumatoid Arthritis. It was more like the doctor had a consultation with the computer. He looked at the blood results, the prescriptions and notes. He measured my weight and blood pressure but he didn’t ask me anything about the condition I was there for. How are the joints doing? How long have I been in remission? He probably knows as do I that we might never see each other again. He is not ‘my’ GP. He works at the GP surgery where I am registered. I suppose he did what he could in the 10 minutes he was given. The achievement of the day was that I got the prescription of medications.

Last week I met a young man who has recently lost a parent to suicide. He went to his GP asking for help and was instantly offered antidepressant medication. He was dismayed as he knew that is not what he needed. He needed someone to talk to. “People in the UK are consuming more than four times as many antidepressants as they did two decades ago. Despite this, we still do not fully understand the effects of these drugs” says an expert from UCL.

The UK has the seventh highest prescribing rate for antidepressants in the Western world, with about four million Britons taking them each year — twice as many as a decade ago.

According to the analysis conducted by Nordic Cochrane Centre in Copenhagen, the clinical study reports on which decisions about market authorization of these medicines are based often underestimate the extent of drug related harms.”

Four deaths were misreported by one unnamed pharmaceutical company which claimed they had occurred after the trials had stopped. One patient strangled himself after taking venlafaxine but because he survived for five days, he was excluded from the results because it was claimed he was no longer on the trial while he was dying in hospital.

More than half of the suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts had been misrecorded as emotional instability or worsening of depression. In summary trial reports from the drugs giant Eli Lilly, suicidal attempts were missing in 90 per cent of cases. It appears that big pharmaceutical companies reap profits while carelessly tossing aside all human costs and ominously covering them up.

 

 

 

 

Day 503

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This cage of grief I find myself in has a door. I can see it. It is wide open. It invites me to step outside. Sometimes I am tempted to venture out even though I am not sure what lies outside. May be there is no outside. Maybe the cage is an extension of me. It is there because of me. I have built it with my memories, longing, tears and love. I sit comfortably cocooned in it. It is my natural habitat. Would I rather be elsewhere? It’s restful in here. Leaving it would be a betrayal of myself. Of Saagar. Even if he wouldn’t have wanted it for me.
Every now and then I do metaphorically peep out of the window and enjoy the world of clothes, make-up, hair and such like but it is tiresome. My cage allows me to clearly see the cages that surround others. I am ‘happy’ within these confines. Here I experience deep silence and connectedness with myself. This must be a special kind of freedom. As for grief, it does not end. Not at that door, nor at the end of the Earth. It morphs into various shapes, shades and hues. It can be a beautiful piece of music at one time and the gentle warm sunshine at another. It envelops me wherever I am. I have learnt to smile and shine through it. It is not an adversary. On the contrary, it keeps me strong and grounded. This could be a life-long companion. I welcome it.