fear

Day 269

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Everything resides in the ‘isness’ of the present moment.
It’s my choice to either accept it or agonise over it.

When I use my body and all my senses to focus my attention on this moment right here, inside which I exist, everything else ceases to be.

I am where I am. I look around. Just look, not interpret. See the light, shapes, colours and textures. Aware of the space that allows everything to be. Listening to the sounds and then to the silence underneath them. Feeling the warmth of the water dripping over me from my scalp all the way to under the soles of my feet in the shower, standing completely still. Observing the rhythm of my breath. Feeling the flow of air inside my nostrils. I feel the subtle life energy flowing inside me. Anything I touch, a curtain, a scarf or a pencil, I feel it and acknowledge its Being. Becoming one with smells and tastes that I experience. Feeling the stretch in my hamstrings as I bend forward. Allowing the smile on my lips to spread to my eyes and heart.

I narrow my life down to this moment.

“Leave the abstraction of time behind. Get out of the insane mind and awaken out of the dream of time into the present. Break the mind patterns that have dominated human life for eons.
Nothing is anything but what it is.
Everything is to be honoured, but nothing matters.
Forms are born and die yet you are aware of the eternal underneath the forms.”

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Day 262

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London is notorious for cycling accidents as there are too many vehicles of all shapes and sizes that share a very limited space. Over the last 5 years there have been 22,988 accidents and 80 deaths involving cyclists in London.

Last summer I cycled to work nearly everyday. But then I stopped as I could sense my son’s anxiety associated with it. He didn’t say anything directly but hinted about the disrespectful attitude of motorists and crazy roundabouts.

Over the weekend we got my bicycle ready for the road. This morning when the time came I was filled with self-doubt. Would my awareness be good enough for the road? Would I have the physical strength to go all the way and come back later in the day? I finally got on my cycle and rode the 10 kilometers to work.

The air was fresh and clean, the traffic was thin, the sunshine was still soft and I felt as if I had just gently flown into work. It was exhilarating! After ages I felt light as a feather!

It felt like the first step towards true joy.

I was fearlessly claiming my life back.

When I look around, the media and governments are constantly fear-mongering. It is either the Russians or the ubiquitous terrorist. It is either an epidemic or the next financial disaster. It’s the woman in the hijab or the man in the hoody. It’s either the black, the white or the yellow, the Christian, the Muslim, the Hindu or the Jew.

The fear is designed to keep us separate, isolated, suspicious. It creates more walls when what we need is more bridges.

“There is nothing to fear except fear itself.”
-Harper Lee, To Kill a Mocking Bird.