suicide

Day 726

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Sarah Fitchett is a neonatal nurse and a lecturer. She is also a mother bereaved through suicide. Like me, she is affiliated with PAPYRUS Prevention of Young Suicide Charity by way of fundraising and awareness raising. This is an e-mail from her:

“I delivered an awareness session to GPs in Birmingham last week and they were desperate for more training.  They were literally asking me,
“What should I say?”
“What if the answer is yes?”
“What am I looking for?
“There are no services available to signpost young people to – CAMHS is so stretched”
“How will I know?”
“How do I cope with losing a patient to suicide?”
I really hope they will come on ASIST.  Such a lot of work is needed. One of our young volunteers, a mental health nurse from Bristol self-funded a place on ASIST because she had no idea how to help someone at risk of suicide, neither did any of her colleagues. Her training hadn’t covered it and there was no training available to her.  A WM police officer self-funded a place on ASIST and used her annual leave to attend because so very much of her role is attending people in crisis.”

This is an article she’s written about the absence of suicide prevention training on the nurse’s curriculum and the stigma associated with suicide within the medical community: http://theconversation.com/even-nurses-arent-immune-to-the-stigma-of-suicide-66008

11th October 2014 was a saturday. I had tickets for the Omid Djalili show for us. Saagar loved stand-up comedy and I thought it might help him. He sat on my right. I watched his responses. He appeared to be under a cloud. He did laugh but his laughter was subdued. At break time I bought him a drink and for some strange reason it felt like a significant happening, like an unforgettable scene in an iconic film. It was the last time I bought him a drink. It was the last time we went for a show together.

Let us do everything we can to save young lives.

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Thank you Omid for bringing him some happiness. Even if it was short-lived.

But then, everything is temporary, short lived! 

Day 725

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Another story.
Another young man.
Another family.
Another mother.
Same themes. Same gaps. Same cover-ups.

“Y went to University, experiencing life away from home for the first time. Although only a 40-minute train journey away, he lived in halls of residence, sharing a flat with four other students. I saw him at least once every fortnight and although I knew he was upset at the break up of his first serious relationship, there were no signs that he was struggling to cope with his studies or not enjoying university life. He appeared to be the same quirky teenager who made friends easily and faced challenges full on.

One Sunday he failed to come home for lunch with the family. Frantic, I drove to his halls where an ambulance and police car were parked and I was given the news that our beloved son was gone. It was another 24 hours before we discovered he had completed suicide. Nothing could have prepared me or our family.

Five months later we attended an inquest into his death where an open verdict was recorded, and the Coroner claimed that everything possible had been done by health care professionals to support Y following a university doctor diagnosing him with depression and prescribing anti-depressants. He had been referred for counselling and his university tutor was informed.

At the inquest, the GP had legal representation. A representative of the university’s counselling service gave evidence on behalf of the counsellor; a statement was read out from a doctor who had admitted Y to hospital following two incidents of self-harm, and another statement was read from the university tutor in whom Y had confided.

As a family, we sat completely dumbfounded that all of these people knew that our child was suffering from mental health issues. Not one of them had contacted any of us, or identified us as a ‘safety contact’, yet felt the need to be legally and professionally protected in court.

Just one month after starting university and following the break-up with his girlfriend, Y made his first suicide attempt. We were not informed. The reason we were given was that he was an adult and all of the professionals involved had a duty to respect his confidentiality. The counsellor’s representative commented that it was ‘possible’ that it ‘may have been suggested’ that Y talk to me about his situation, but she could not confirm that this was the case.

Had Lawrence been involved in any sort of accident then I would have been contacted immediately, but because his admission was a mental health issue the veil of confidentiality came down and prioritised clinical staff welfare rather than that of my son.

Did we as a family – or me, specifically, as his mother – fail him? We failed to see his suffering, but when he was around us he was the usual Y we all knew and loved.

Did the university fail him? Yes, they should have informed his emergency contact/next of kin that he had expressed suicidal thoughts.

Did the clinicians fail him? Yes, by averting culpability and absolving themselves within a care system culture that protects its own and isolates the patient from their family – the people closest to them and those who would have provided the love, care and protection that could have saved a young life.

As a family we felt that the ‘professionals’ closed ranks to protect themselves. In the weeks leading up to that awful day, and the months before the inquest, their self-protective instincts mattered more than the duty of care they had towards protecting our son Y, a caring, funny, intelligent young man with a whole lifetime of adventures in front of him.”

NO CONFIDENTIALITY WHEN IT COMES TO SUICIDE.

In Jan 2014, an official document was published – “Consensus statement on information sharing” (https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/271792/Consensus_statement_on_information_sharing.pdf)

“The statement applies to adults in England. Information can be shared where it is in the public interest to do so. In practice, this means that practitioners should disclose information to an appropriate person or authority if this is necessary to protect the child or young person from risk of death or serious harm. A decision can be made to share such information with the family and friends, and normally would be.”

Who’s left to deal with the loss for the rest of their lives? The people who never knew it was happening. The people who would have gone to any lengths to avert the tragedy. The people who had a right to be informed.

10th of october 2014 was a friday, the beginning of my last weekend with my darling son, the last italian meal we shared. All that is left now is a broken heart holding many beautiful memories on one hand and reliving the nightmare over and over again on the other.

 

 

Day 723

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“Random thoughts”, he said, looking perplexed. “I keep getting these random thoughts.”
“Thoughts of what exactly?” I would ask.
“Just random….”
I didn’t know how to explore any further.

He confided in at least 3 men he trusted about his suicidal thoughts and none of them knew what to do.
Not surprising.
He specifically told them not to tell me about it. He even shared his plan with one of them. But he did not know what to do.
Not his fault.
No one is taught what to do in a situation like that.

How would you feel if some one came up to you and said they were seriously considering ending it all?
Overwhelmed? Panicked?
Calm and confident knowing exactly what to do as if you were being asked to do CPR?
What would you do?
Break into a sweat?
Think they are kidding?
‘Fix it’ for them?
Call 999?
Take them to A&E?
Ask them to see their GP?
Connect them to the Samaritans?
Tell them to get over it because life is beautiful?

Yesterday I watched a video of a skilful conversation between a suicidal person and a person in a position to help. It was a caring and respectful exchange designed to model an evidence based framework which has been developed over 30 years by LivingWorks whose mission is to create a life-affirming suicide-safer world (https://www.livingworks.net/programs/asist/). It made me cry floods of tears as I was reminded why the poor bugger didn’t have a hope in hell. Even his doctor didn’t know CPR or what would be CPR for him. The video was a part of the ASIST Course (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training). Regardless of prior experience LivingWorks enable ordinary people to provide suicide first aid. They have training programmes lasting from 90 minutes to 2 days. Shown by major studies to significantly reduce suicidality, LivingWorks courses teach effective intervention skills while helping to reduce stigma and raise awareness.

While speaking with the trainers of ASIST it emerged that the most difficult group to train is GPs as they can never make time. The last General Practice who contacted them wanted them to come at lunch time for half an hour and provide training and lunch for all staff members in that time.

Top priority. Eh?

 

Day 722

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Yes. Here’s an admission if there ever was one – I am a fan of the ‘Archers’ (a drama series on BBC Radio 4). Each time the theme tune comes on Si says, ”Let us pray.” I love Helen. She is a woman with a clear mind. Over the past few months I have been gripped by the twists and turns of the dramatic story of Helen and Rob Titchener. I have always had serious doubts about him. Not surprisingly, he did show his true colours and caused great suffering for Helen. It was interesting how insidiously, like a slithering serpent he created a severe degree of self-doubt and confusion in her mind and took control of all aspects of her life. They called it ‘mental abuse and coercive control’.

This made me look up some statistics around domestic abuse. I was shocked.

Domestic violence:

  • Will affect 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in their lifetime.
  • Leads to, on average, two women being murdered each week and 30 men per year.
  • 3 women take their own lives every week to escape from domestic violence.
  • Almost 30 women attempt suicide per day for the same reason.
  • There is currently no ‘liability for suicide’ law under which an abusive partner can be prosecuted for the suicide of their victim.
  • Accounts for 16% of all violent crime (Source: Crime in England and Wales 04/05 report), however it is still the violent crime least likely to be reported to the police.
  • Has more repeat victims than any other crime (on average there will have been 35 assaults before a victim calls the police)
  • Is the single most quoted reason for becoming homeless (Shelter, 2002)
  • Is witnessed by 750,000 children per year.

The charity ‘Refuge’ is campaigning for a new ‘liability for suicide’ law that would hold perpetrators of domestic violence responsible for behaviour that drives their victims to suicide. ‘Taking Lives’ is a documentary film which tells the story of ‘Gurda’ who took her own life after suffering years of violent abuse at the hands of her husband. Her brother Nav has been actively campaigning for this law to be enforced. After Gurda’s death, instead of being punished, her husband was awarded financial benefits of the mortgage being paid off and all the insurance money.

Source: (http://www.refuge.org.uk/what-we-do/campaigns/takinglives/)

Here are some of the myths associated with Domestic violence:

MYTH: Alcohol and drugs make men violent.
MYTH: It only happens in poor families on council estates.

MYTH: More women would leave if the abuse was that bad.
MYTH: Abusers grow up in violent homes.
MYTH: Some women like violence.
MYTH: Women ask for it. They deserve what they get.
MYTH: Abusive men have a mental illness. They can’t help what they do.
MYTH: He only hit her because he was under stress.

MYTH: He loses his temper sometimes, that’s all.
MYTH: Domestic violence is a private matter, you shouldn’t get involved.

Once again most of the work in this field is being done by charities like LWA (Living Without Abuse), Refuge, Shelter and Women’s aid. The government needs to do more.

Day 721

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“Befriending has saved thousands of lives in Britain. My job now is to organise it all over the world, until suicide becomes unimportant as a cause of death.”
– Chad Varah, Founder of Samaritans.

He made his debut as a vicar by burying a 14 year old girl who’d killed herself when her periods started because she thought she had a sexually transmitted disease. That had a profound effect on him.

In 1953 he set up Samaritans. Ten years later there were 41 branches of Samaritans in the UK and Ireland. Just three years later there were 6,537 Samaritans volunteers based in 80 branches and calls to Samaritans have continued to go up every year. The number of branches is now at 202.

It all started in 1953. Chad strongly believed that those in crisis should have access to a number they could call at any time. He coped with callers with the help of his secretary for some weeks in November 1953 but then useless amateurs began offering to help. He bounced off the ones he didn’t like and graciously allowed the ones he found agreeable to run errands for him and keep the clients amused while waiting to be ushered in to his presence.

It soon became evident that they were doing the clients more good than he was. Everybody needed befriending, only a minority needed his counselling or referral to a psychiatrist. By 2nd February 1954 he called these amateurs together and said, “Over to you Samaritans. Never again shall I pick up the emergency phone, nor be the one to say ‘Come in and have a coffee’ when a client taps at the door. I shall select you and supervise you and discipline you and sack you if necessary, and see the clients who need something more than your befriending, and I shall make the decisions you are not competent to make. But you are the life-savers, and one day everyone will recognise what suicidal people need.”

Isn’t it a great pity that suicide had not yet become an ‘unimportant’ cause of death!
Sadly that day has not yet arrived when everyone recognises what suicidal people need.