Writing

Day 760

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4500 men end their  lives every year in the UK, 3 times more than women. Many times more self harm and attempt suicide. The highest suicide rate in 2014 was for men aged 45-49.

‘Building Modern Men’ is a series of articles published by Huffington post to mark the International Men’s Day (19th Nov). It covers a wide range of topics from male role models to inability to swim. (http://projects.huffingtonpost.co.uk/building-modern-men/) A Masculinity Audit carried out by Huff Post and CALM,looking into the causes of male suicide  found that :

  • Four out of ten males feel they lack the qualities and abilities that partners look for in a man

  • 61% of all respondents agree that men are stereotyped in the media

  • Four in ten male respondents strongly agreed that ‘women have unrealistic expectations of men’

(Ref: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/mens-mental-health-building-modern-men_uk_58206805e4b0c2e24ab022fb?utm_hp_ref=uk)

‘For many, masculinity is a fatal burden’ says Grayson Perry on why old-school masculinity is man’s greatest enemy. The 56 years old transvestite artist has always seen masculinity as a choice. He has questioned his gender identity since the age of 12. He believes that his transvestism permits him a greater distance and sharper insight into the layers of manhood that he talks about in his new book ‘The Descent of Man’.
He believes that the traditional approach of ‘stiff upper lip’ is completely out dated. It renders men emotionally illiterate and unable to form healthy relationships. It leaves them very fragile yet unwilling to express their vulnerability, a lethal combination when it comes to mental health. The inflexibility of traditional masculinity doesn’t fit in the present times of change and diversity. That masculinity comes from an age of heavy industry and farming and it doesn’t work anymore.

‘We need to think of masculinity like a piece of equipment. Some men, like soldiers, need to use it all the time, others might need it at the weekend and others not at all.’

Day 744

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Walking along the beach this evening, it was fascinating to see the mangrove, the shells and the abundance of life all around. I was tempted to pick a few shells as souvenirs but then I remembered the conversation we had with the lady who runs the lodge where we are staying. She is very well versed with the local plant and animal life and all matters to do with conservation.

I learnt from her that removal of shells from beaches could damage ecosystems and endanger organisms that rely on shells for their survival. This has been supported by scientific research. It is not just humans picking shells but grooming of sand with heavy machinery for tourism and use of recreational vehicles on the beach that cause a lot of damage to delicate ecosystems.

Seashells are an important part of coastal ecosystems: they provide materials for birds’ nests, a home or attachment surface for algae, sea grass, sponges and a host of other microorganisms. Fish use them to hide from predators, and hermit crabs use them as temporary shelters. The removal of large shells and shell fragments also has the potential to alter the rate of shoreline erosion.

So, instead of pocketing the pretty shells we just took a picture of them and left them on the beach where they belong.

 

 

Day 742

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Being on holidays for most equals luxury. But we also hear of luxury apartments, luxury holidays, luxury hotels, luxury yachts …

What is luxury? Is it a physicality or an emotion or a bit of both?

For me, to wake up naturally (ie. without an alarm) to the rising sun, the sounds of the ocean and the birds, feeling calm within and enthusiastic about a new day is luxury.
To have a pain free body willing to spend a little more energy than it consumes everyday and a stress free mind with no compulsion to be chasing time all day long is luxury.
A generous warm rain shower and no need for air-conditioning or central heating, lots of Darjeeling tea, clean air and clean water, a pair of comfortable shoes, an afternoon siesta, a long walk along the beach, a spacious mattress, firm with a thin top cushion.
To have time for healthy sit down meals, free of anything processed and to be able to share it with Si and all my family, to be in a healing space to just be and be creative with writing, reading, flower arranging, dancing, listening to music, cooking or colouring a colouring-in book. To be able to contribute to our community in a positive way.
Laughter and sharing with friends, time for Yoga and meditation, to sleep under a star-lit sky, to have love and gratitude for this life, a spiritual experience in a human body.

Does any of this cost too much money or does the modern urban life-style just doesn’t allow for it?

To miss out on all the hype around the US presidential election because there is no TV and no one cares. Ignorance is indeed bliss.

Day 741

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As an eleven year old I often felt like I was born in the wrong country with the wrong nose, wrong hair and wrong skin colour. It was all a bit awkward but not much could be done about any of these things. So, the hair was cut short and stayed so for most of my life.

It’s normal for those with dark hair to want them light and vice versa and for those with curly hair to want them straight and vice versa. This is a small example of a much wider discontentment and dis-ease within humans.

We travelled for 36 hours, including an overnight stay at Dar-es-Salaam, 5 take offs and thankfully the same number of safe landings to get here. 3 of these were on the smallest plane I have ever been in. It sits about 14 people including the pilot. It reminds me of ‘Out of Africa’. The engine makes clicking sounds in response to the subtle mechanical actions of the pilot and the scenery is out of the world. Sapphire blue deep waters with turquoise shallow edges dotted with emerald islands with golden crescents along the curved margins.

This is the north of Tanga, a point jaggedly jutting into the Indian ocean with a white sliver of surf marking the reef’s edge. The noon-tide was so far out that it was nothing more than a soft whoosh but we woke up from our post-prandial coma to the rhythmic roaring of the sea that had arrived right up to our doorstep.

The smiles that greet us with ‘Karibu’ are happy and a bit shy. There is no running water or mains electricity. The internet connection comes through a generator and solar powered router, best described as flimsy.  Yet, something about being here brings the word ‘contentment’ to mind. This is what it must feel like.

Saagar would have loved this place – a little piece of heaven.

(Sorry, no pictures as very narrow band width on the internet. May be later.)

 

Day 737

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There is scientific evidence to support that a particular intervention benefits the following conditions:

  • Lung function in asthma
  • Disease severity in rheumatoid arthritis
  • Pain and physical health in cancer
  • Immune response in HIV infection
  • Hospitalisations for cystic fibrosis
  • Pain intensity in women with chronic pelvic pain
  • Sleep-onset latency in poor sleepers
  • Post-operative course

That particular intervention is – Expressive writing.

The body of literature that demonstrates beneficial effects of expressive writing has been growing over the past 30 years. One of the earliest studies conducted by Pennebaker and Beall in 1986 compared 2 groups of students. Both groups were asked to write for 15 minutes on 4 consecutive days. One group put down their thoughts and feelings about the most traumatic or upsetting event of their life while the other wrote about something trivial, like their shoes or room. The first group self reported fewer visits to the Health Centre and fewer days off due to illness for up to 6 months after the writing exercise, as compared to the second group.

Meta-analyses show that while the improvement in physical health is clear, the results for psychological health are mixed. For a small group of trauma survivors, writing was even found to be detrimental. Although further research is required to clarify populations for whom writing is clearly effective, there is sufficient evidence for clinicians to use expressive writing in therapeutic settings with caution. Indeed, some experts noted that a drug intervention reporting medium effect sizes similar to those found for expressive writing would be regarded as a major medical advance.

(Source: http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/11/5/338 ; http://healthland.time.com/2013/07/13/how-writing-heals-wounds-of-both-the-mind-and-body/)

For me, writing is life-saving. It gives me a reason to get through the day. It gives my days a focal point inseparable from my love for Saagar. It gives me the strength to carry on. It is the thread that connects so many of us in a beautiful mesh. It helps me discover the joy of writing and the pain of expressing true emotion. It forces me to confront reality, however horrible. It gives me a sense of control over my life, however false. It is my daily meditation, my refuge, my ritual, my learning. I write to heal. I write to write.

Thank you for entertaining the ramblings of an old woman.