Day 11

Very appropriately, it is autumn. Leaves are falling off the trees in hoards, constantly reminding us of the cycle of life.

In the ancient scriptures, they say everything is predestined. Not a single thing moves in this universe without the permission of the Almighty. There are no co-incidences and no ‘untimely’ demises. Everything is timed accurately by an all-knowing, all-powerful supervisor who is the overall in-charge. It is He who is moving us around as pawns in a game of chess where He is playing both sides.

Today was a beautiful sunny day – too lovely for end of October. It was a restful day. My Mum and I took a lovely walk in the nearby park and shared our thoughts. Phrases like – ‘life goes on’, ‘be strong’ and ‘time is a big healer’ crop up again and again in every conversation. Although these phrases are true but they annoy me a little bit. Right now, I just can’t think about getting on with life and being strong and all that jazz. I did feel good about myself though after I spent about 15 minutes on my own just clearing up my study table. I also prepared 2 salads for dinner today, which is an achievement in itself.

I dug up a book called ‘The Tibetan book of Living and Dying’ which I had purchased a long time ago when I was thinking of working with people in hospices. I also found out about a Bereavement support group and decided to attend their next meeting. So, lots of little steps.

My family and friends have been so incredible. They call, they visit, text and whatsapp me all day long. I feel really well taken care of.

My dearest darling son is always in my thoughts and prayers. Although I wish I had spent more time with him, I know that he knew how deeply he was loved by his parents and friends. Sadly, it was his illness that got him. May you find your peace my baby. God bless.

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