Day 14

2 weeks gone! Still not sure this is happening. Soon it will be months and then years. Wonder how it will feel then!

A part of me still believes this is all someone else’s nightmare being played out in front of me.

The letters arriving at my door are real – I can hold them and read them time and time again. I read about what kind of a person he was to his friends – loyal, funny, kind, enthusiastic, full of ideas, generous, talented, sensitive and so on. I already knew he was all of these things but when I hear accounts from his friends, their families and his teachers, I feel I didn’t really know him that well. He has always made me proud, but this is quite something else. The letters are so deeply heartfelt that they bring tears to my eyes.

This afternoon, I went out for a boat ride with my mum. It was a strangely magical experience. The weather was mild – snatches of sun here and there and slightly windy. I sat there completely mesmerised by the sky – the light streaming from in-between the clouds, the various hues of blue and grey, the clear-cut circular outline of the sun, the fresh breeze blowing in my face. For a few seconds I felt as though my son was smiling at me and telling me that he is ok. He was looking over me in his own special way and making sure that we have a great time. Of course, the other interpretation could be that I am starting to loose it altogether! 🙂

Well, I hope he is happy and peaceful wherever he is – my darling baby!

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