Day 22

Here is something I never thought I would hear myself say – ‘We collected my son’s ashes today.’

It was another one of those out of body experiences, where I really could not make any sense of it whatsoever! This is all the wrong way round. I had once read a Chinese proverb  – ‘Happiness is, when the grandfather dies, the father dies and the son dies, in that order.’ I thought it was a bit morbid. Now I understand what it means.

I could not help but look at some of the last few text messages that we had exchanged. The last but one from him was ‘Just on a walk x’.

May be that is all it is. He is out for a walk and we’ll meet up soon. This cosmos is huge and we can go where we like, when we like. Just because he is wandering, doesn’t mean he is lost. Just because I can’t see him, doesn’t mean he is not here. Just because we can’t hug each other, doesn’t mean there is no love. May be he is waiting for me just around the corner. I am sure he would not be happy if he knew I was sad. He could always pick up the slightest sadness or distress in my voice even if I tried my best to hide it.

Another young girl died today as a result of her illness – Bipolar Disorder! My heart weeps for her family!

Another relevant statistic is that 25% of all patients coming to see a doctor have a mental health problem, yet just 13% of the NHS budget is spent on mental health. A very small part of this is spent on research into mental illness.

How can we change this?

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