My parents were starting to get concerned as I was 28 years of age and already married for 4 whole years and still…..no kids! At the time, in my experience, within the medical community in my country, India, the specialties of radiology and anaesthesia were associated with a large number of miscarriages and children with congenital deformities. Being a trainee in anaesthesia, I stopped working a couple of months before planning our pregnancy and we were lucky to conceive as planned. What a miracle that was! The pregnancy and child birth were very simple and straight forward. Our son was the first grandchild on both sides of the family. So perfect! So beautiful! I felt like the happiest, luckiest woman in the world!
Every decision, big and small was taken with him in mind. He felt like an extension of me all along, even when he was in university! There was a certain smile that only he could bring to my face. I was still contemplating cutting the umbilical cord when he fell ill. And within weeks he was gone!
I have to constantly remind myself that that was his journey and this is mine. May be some day it will make sense.
Here are wise words of Kahlil Gibran that bring me some solace:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.