“I am fine.” – a lie spoken by millions everyday, I am sure. Reasons? Lack of time, lack of sincerity in the person asking the question, lack of closeness, fear of loosing friends if we were honest, not knowing how to translate feelings to words, believing that no one actually cares, politeness …..
As for me, I go from being an upbeat and smart professional to a romantic partner to a busy householder to a mother subsumed in grief. I am learning just to be in the moment, one hundred percent. Whatever role I am in at any given moment, I just live it to the fullest – laugh whole heartedly, work well and hard, be fully present to everyone around me, feel terribly sad…..whatever. One moment at a time. Every moment lived to the full cannot amount to anything less than a life lived to the fullest with all its flavours, seasons and hues.
The deeper the experience of sorrow, the higher the joy. I appreciate my smiles and laughter much more than before. The tender moments shared with close ones and new memories created are more precious now than they have ever been. Tears still come effortlessly but my eyes are less heavily laden with them compared to a month ago.
Today while watching TV, my eyes drifted away from the screen and came to rest on his beautiful gentle smile in the picture on the mantle piece. I looked into his bright smiley eyes and my heart melted. I smiled with gratitude and tears in my eyes.
“There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not a mark of weakness but of power.
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love.”