My dearest Darling,
Today is the 16th.
It is a Thursday. It’s 9 months.
You are in my heart as always.
I wonder if you can see and know how much love is here, for you and me.
I wonder how life would be if you were still here, for you and me.
I wonder how these 9 months have passed by.
I wonder how the rest of my days will be.
I am learning. I am living. I am struggling.
But I am not alone.
Acceptance refuses to come.
I believed that I could have anything if I worked hard enough for it. Now I know there is no truth in it.
You probably thought I would be better off without you.
Really? It’s not true.
I believed I was strong but now I know I was wrong.
I wish I could write something for you or do some magic which would bring you back to me.
But that is not to be.
I believed I was free.
Now I have no clue what that means.
I have no aspirations for freedom or any other ‘dom’.
I just want to be.
Be the seer.
Be with what is.
I love you.