Walking through Streatham Common this afternoon, we took a moment to buy an ice-cream and sit on a bench, looking at the park where we walked with Saagar the weekend before he died. It’s the same. Kids and dogs galore. People flying kites, having picnics, listening to  music, running, cycling and romancing. It was the same park. The same sun, trees, shadows and clouds. The same chuckles and chirpings. The same breeze. The same me. Yet, nothing was the same. It all seemed colourless and lifeless. Nothing like it used to be.

This song by Adele started to play and it rang so true for Saagar then and me now.

I only wanted to have fun
Learning to fly…
Learning to run…
I let my heart decide the way
When I was young…
Deep down I must have always known
That it would be inevitable
To earn my stripes I’d have to pay!
And bear my soul

I know I’m not the only one
Who regrets the things they’ve done
Sometimes I just feel it’s only me
Who can’t stand the reflection that they see
I wish I could live a little more
Look up to the sky, not just the floor

I feel like my life is flashing by
And all I can do is watch and cry
I miss the air, I miss my friends
I miss my mother; I miss it when
Life was a party to be thrown
But that was a million years ago

When I walk around all of the streets
Where I grew up and found my feet
They can’t look me in the eye
It’s like they’re scared of me
I try to think of things to say
Like a joke or a memory
But they don’t recognize me now
In the light of day…

I know I’m not the only one
Who regrets the things they’ve done
Sometimes I just feel it’s only me
Who never became who they thought they’d be
I wish I could live a little more
Look up to the sky, not just the floor

Life was a party to be thrown
But that was a million years ago.

A million years ago!!!