Day 710

Can someone press the ‘Refresh’ button for me please?
Hello! Anyone there?
Nope.
Just me.
I’ve got to do it myself.

Many people ready and willing to hold my hand while I do it. Many waiting patiently for it to happen.
‘Re-fresh’.
Re-invent. Re-define. Re-create. Re-invigorate.
Re-enthuse. Re-affirm. Re-generate. Re-vive. Re-vitalise.
Re-make. Re-vamp. Re-novate. Re-build.
Re-model. Re-store. Re-new. Re-instate.
Re-live. Re-smile. Re-settle.

It’s coming up to two years!
Is that a measure of anything though?
Time means nothing.
The absolute finality of death brings Time to a halt.
The suddenness of it puts emergency breaks on Time and forces it to come to a dead stop.

The question I ask myself – how much of this being ‘stuck’ is natural and how much is generated by my ‘ego’? I am sure Eckhard Tolle would ascribe a lot of it to my ‘pain-body’.

“It is not so much that you cannot stop your train of negative thoughts, but that you don’t want to. This is because the pain-body is living through you, pretending to be you. And to the pain-body, pain is pleasure. It eagerly devours every negative thought. In fact, the usual voice in your head has now become the voice of the pain-body. It has taken over the internal dialogue. A vicious circle becomes established between the pain-body and your thinking. Every thought feeds the pain-body and in turn the pain-body generates more thoughts. At some point, after a few hours or even a few days, it has replenished itself and returns to its dormant stage, leaving behind a depleted organism and a body that is much more susceptible to illness. If that sounds to you like a psychic parasite, you are right. That’s exactly what it is.

The beginning of freedom from the pain-body lies first of all in the realization that you have a pain-body. Then, more important, in your ability to stay present enough, alert enough, to notice the pain-body in yourself as a heavy influx of negative emotion when it becomes active. When it is recognized, it can no longer pretend to be you and live and renew itself through you.

It is your conscious Presence that breaks the identification with the pain-body. When you don’t identify with it, the pain-body can no longer control your thinking and so cannot renew itself anymore by feeding on your thoughts. The pain-body in most cases does not dissolve immediately, but once you have severed the link between it and your thinking, the pain-body begins to lose energy. Your thinking ceases to be clouded by emotion; your present perceptions are no longer distorted by the past. The energy that was trapped in the pain-body then changes its vibrational frequency and is transmuted into Presence.”

Conscious Presence.
Awareness of the ‘self’ which is infinitely more expansive than thoughts and feelings.

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