Standing in the queue at the airport, waiting to board the plane to Belfast, listening to people speak in the norn-irish accent brought back a flood of mixed feelings – nostalgia, heart-warming familiarity, sweet self depricating humour, anger at the bullying that Saagar would have suffered in primary school in the same accent, relief at not having to hear that accent too often, a deep sense of loss at the thought of the mimicry that Saagar often did in an exaggerated accent saying “I’ll do yur windies in.”

On the plane it was a refreshing change when the gentleman sitting next to me actually wanted to speak to me. He was warm and friendly and told me all about his job and family and asked me about mine. I decided to pretend that Saagar was alive and I did. The kind man said, ”So, he has a twinkle in his eye for his wee Mum.” I smiled. For a few moments I believed it myself. It felt good.

Nothing is all good or all bad. No one is all good or all bad. We are a miniature version of the macrocosm. Opposite values and contradictions reside in each of us, finding expression at different times in different ways. Being aware of them is all I can do. Observing myself. Learning.