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Day 686

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“If your daughter is clever enough to get into this school and keep up with the curriculum, then she will be happy.” – this is what the parent of a 4 year old was told at an open day of a particular pre-school. They had 14 subjects on the curriculum for 4 year olds. On seeing the surprise on her face, the mum was reminded by one of the teachers that this was a school and not a nursery.

For those terribly serious about education, it is important to know that the reverse of the above is true. So, if she is happy enough, she will be able to keep up with the curriculum. A relaxed and light environment enhances the quality of learning for all age groups.

In New Zealand, a few key studies compared children who started formal literacy lessons at age 5 with those who started age 7. They showed that early formal learning doesn’t improve reading development, and may even be damaging. By the age of 11, there was no difference in reading ability level between the two groups. However, those who started aged 5 developed less positive attitudes to reading and showed poorer text comprehension than those who had started later.

Over the past half century, in many developed nations, children’s free play with other children has declined sharply. Over the same period, anxiety, depression, suicide, feelings of helplessness, and narcissism have increased sharply in children, adolescents, and young adults. The decline in play has contributed to the rise in the psychopathology of young people. Play functions as the major means by which children

(1) develop intrinsic interests and competencies
(2) learn how to make decisions, solve problems, exert self-control, and follow rules
(3) learn to regulate their emotions
(4) make friends and learn to get along with others as equals
(5) experience joy.

Through all of these effects, play promotes mental health.

It is no surprise that in Finland, Denmark and Sweden the age when formal education begins is 7.

(Ref: https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg22029435-000-too-much-too-young-should-schooling-start-at-age-7/)

Day 685

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31st August: International Overdose Awareness day.

Same themes – difficulty in recognising early warning signs, misunderstood, stigmatised, discriminated against and mismanaged, tragedy, shame, guilt, heartbreak for families, not selective whether you are a 12 years old school kid or a high flying professional, the state and the medical profession not doing enough, parents doing all they can to raise awareness, reduce stigma and prevent further loss of lives despite themselves being utterly broken.

The day aims to not only raise awareness about drug overdoses, but to bring attention to addiction in general and attempt to change the way we view and handle drug abuse.

Story: http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/overdose-awareness-day-a-mothers-fight-to-fix-the-system-that-failed-her-son-20160829-gr3qht.html

Day 684

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My dearest Saagar,

It’s my birthday today. It’s strange not to have you with me. Strange and painful. I miss you more today than other days if that’s possible.

This morning I visited your school and attended a talk by Dick Moore. It was intended for the teachers but I invited myself to it because I wanted to hear him speak. Some of your teachers were there. They came to me later on and spoke fondly of you, saying how unbelievable all of this was and how wonderful you were. I wholeheartedly agreed.

It broke my heart to be sitting in the very hall where we attended the parent-teacher meetings, the same hall where subsequently your memorial service was held and now this talk. It was an inspiring talk by another parent who had lost a son to suicide and learnt a lot and found the strength to share what he had learnt through this experience in a way that will benefit many hundreds of school children and staff.

At one point your beautiful picture was put up and it dominated the room and for a moment I couldn’t believe any of this was happening!

I had lunch at the same dining hall where you would have eaten every school day for 6 years. I sat on ‘your’ bench and watched the cricket nets where I had taken innumerable shots of your bowling over and over again. Only you knew the difference between one and the next. They all looked completely identical to me.

One of your friends came over and brought me a big bunch of sun-flowers and a very sweet hand-made card! I felt your energy in her smile and the big hug that she gave me. We went out for a Thai meal and I accidentally bit on a red chilly that absolutely burnt my mouth. In that moment I thought of you. Perhaps this was your naughtiness coming through. I am sure you were watching my streaming eyes from somewhere and having a good laugh. Can’t put it past you.

While I missed you terribly, the day was filled with you. Thank you my darling. I love you.

Yours,
Mamma.

Day 683

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A few weeks ago we planned my birthday get-together for today as it was most convenient. The last day of a long weekend. My parents timed their visit to London from India so that they could be here on this occasion. Everything was organised even though I didn’t want to think about it. The guest list was final, I almost didn’t want this day to arrive. It is one thing keeping things ticking along, looking ‘normal’, it is quite another celebrating. It is hard to feign happiness. The contrast between the inner and the outer landscape is too stark. Tears came flooding in at the thought of getting ready for the ‘party’.

I remember 2 years ago Saagar wished me a Happy Birthday today, one day before my birthday believing it to be the day. His illness was just turning from hypomania into depression. His cognition was majorly affected. He was known not to be very good at remembering birthdays etc so I didn’t worry too much.

‘Brain fog’ is a common description of this aspect of depression – diminished ability to think or concentrate and indecisiveness.
“It’s brilliant. You get to take these tablets that keep you half asleep till lunchtime and make you fat. You can’t concentrate on anything and you don’t want to talk to anyone unless you get so angry you want to shout at them. I hide in my room so I don’t end up shouting at my mum. I don’t want to be with anyone but I hate being by myself. I hate staying at home but I can’t go outside. Seriously, it’s brilliant.” – Beth.

 “What would you like for your birthday?” I got asked.
‘No one can get me what I would like for my birthday.’

Despite that, it was a good day. The house felt like a happy place with all these loving and caring people in it – my parents, some of Saagar’s friends and some of ours and some both.

It feels unnatural to be celebrating but…

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Day 682

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100 kms, 2000 meters of ascent (and descent), 25 hours, much pain, a few blisters, no sleep and very little rest later, it was done. The South Coast Challenge. Inspired by our 25 K flat, riverside walk last year that he found terribly easy, with great enthusiasm Si signed up for this long arduous walk about 10 months ago. I promised to support him and do a couple of practise walks with him. Despite having had many odds against him, Si completed it with a smile.

South Coast Challenge

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More than 2000 participants got together to support various charities. All around us there were pictures, memories, a few tears and the will to make a difference. I wish I had the time to get each person’s story. Si walked in support of PAPYRUS (https://www.papyrus-uk.org/), a charity dedicated to prevention of young suicide. At the last stop he said that if Saagar would see him in his present state, he would have a good laugh. He would laugh so much that he would cry. It was in fact raining lightly. May be that’s what it was.

It was interesting for me to be in the supporting role for a while. The waiting, hanging around, remembering the details of what would be needed when and being there just to provide moral support – small things but they meant a lot to both of us. That he is here with me and we share our lives and values so deeply  – I didn’t know this was possible. It is and I feel so lucky! So proud!