Last week, Saagar’s bench was dedicated to his memory at his old school. I was asked to speak. It’s never easy but I do have a lot to say and so I did speak. I also wore a sari as Saagar would have liked that. It was attended by many of his teachers and friends, some of our friends and family and some who didn’t know him at all. Here is an except of what I said:
“We got married in 1990. I was 24. Very close to my ‘sell by’ date, which in India is about 25 for a girl.
3 years on and no kids! Both sides of parents were politely not asking, only hinting obliquely every now and then. 3 years was too long! Concerning! I was a junior doctor and Naresh was a captain in the Indian army. In the 4th year of our marriage, Saagar was born. He was beautiful! First grandchild on both sides of the family. Much adored and absolutely adorable! At 5 years of age, while moving from nursery to Kindergarten, he was asked to write numbers from 1 to 10 and then all the alphabets. He started with 1 and wrote all the numbers till 9 which he wrote the wrong way around and it became a P. He then carried on writing QRS…Z.
As he was growing up, he coped with many changes, moving from one city to another in India and then to Northern Ireland and then London. The reading homework in Primary school was more about the accent of the day rather than the reading. He had a great sense of fun. He made good of wherever he found himself. He never made a fuss. Although, age 9, after school one day he did ask me if his name could be changed to ‘Aron’. He had his own brand of humour and an infectious laughter. He loved dressing up. He valued his friendships greatly. And grew up to be a talented young man. His accomplishments far surpassed our expectations, as an academic, as a musician and linguist, a sportsman and as a human being. I always thought he was too good to be true. It turned out he was.
His brief illness was very painful and confusing for all of us, most of all for him. He did his best to manage it. He followed every advise he was given. He wanted to get better but sadly that wasn’t to be.
In the UK suicide is the leading cause of death for young people, both male and female, 3 times more than road accidents. Every day in the UK alone, 4-5 young people take their own lives. 3 times more men than women. Majority of people don’t know this. I didn’t know it. But it is the sad truth and it is closer to home than we think. It needs to be treated as an urgent priority. I am immensely grateful to the college for honouring Saagar and keeping his memory alive in so many ways. Thank you for recognising the need to raise awareness and to empower everyone to be able to make a difference.
I am very proud of Saagar. He would be very proud of me seeing me use an i-pad today. He was the one who coaxed/encouraged me to move from my good old Sony Vaio to Apple. It always amused him to see ‘old people'(me) work on a computer. Even today when I am stuck, my first instinct is to call out to him.
For me this bench is a reminder of Saagar’s friendly, creative and playful nature, his wit and charm and his ability for compassion. I hope the boys will enjoy it and know that they never have to suffer alone. I hope that it will be a source of strength and hope for many for a long time to come.
Thank you all for being here today.”