Day 345

Would I like to be 18 again?
No. Thank you.

Knowing what I know now, getting through that age and stage once is quite enough. It’s not easy.

Recently I met Dick Moore, a delightful gentleman, educator and mental wellbeing advocate. His TED talk, “Dancing or drowning in the rain” is enlightening.

On the surface adolescence looks like fun – parties, friends, drinking, high energy levels, good health and for many sports and holidays. Some kids these days seem to have everything. “They have nothing to complain about.”

However, they do have a few tasks that are terribly difficult.

  1. Coping with sexual maturity

While the physical and hormonal changes can be embarrassing and confusing, self-esteem is the most significant variable around puberty. It can deeply affect how the young person feels about him/herself especially in the age of social media.

  1. Developing and maturing self-image

In response to these physical changes, young adolescents begin to be treated in a new way by those around them. They face society’s expectations for how young men and women “should” behave.

Both adolescent boys and girls are known to spend hours concerned with their physical appearance. They want to “fit in” with their peers and discover their own unique style at the same time.

The realisation that they might need to give up their childhood ambitions of being an engine driver, a princess, a photographer or a power ranger for something else more practical, is a hard one.

  1. Growing the ability to deal with disappointment

Stepping into the real world and finding rejection – not getting selected to be on the school football team; not getting through the audition for the school play and most often, breaking up with one’s girl/boy friend. Not fair!!! Recognising and managing these emotions is a huge task.
Parent’s opinions can seem obsolete and irrelevant. Their hero that was their Dad, may now seem like an ordinary person.

  1. Cutting emotional dependence on parents

They may take on increased responsibilities, such as babysitting, summer jobs, or household chores. They may look to peers and media for information and advice rather than parents, They identify more with their peers and sometimes may find their perspectives on social and political issues at odds with their parent’s. They are learning to manage these and other conflicts in a constructive manner.

That is a lot!

Day 344

need_to_belong_235

His Holiness The Dalai Lama was in London a few days ago.

He spoke about ‘Action for Happiness’, which is a hot topic these days. It has 10 points with the acronym: GREAT DREAM.

G – Giving / doing things for others

R – Relatedness or connection with people

E – Exercising

A – Appreciating and noticing the world around us.

T – Trying out and keep on learning new things

D – Direction or having goals/something to look forward to.

R – Resilience

E – Emotion – Taking a positive approach

A – Acceptance – Being comfortable with who you are.

M – Meaning – Being a part of something bigger

At least three of these are about having a sense of belonging. The “belongingness hypothesis” states that people have a basic psychological need to feel closely connected to others, and that caring, affectionate bonds from close relationships form a major part of having a sense of wellbeing.

Mental illness is remarkably on the rise, especially in the young. Some of the ways in which we can protect the young is by helping them develop social skills despite technology which is unavoidable in the present times. Creating positive social networks with peers, teachers and neighbours and participation in community, sports and leisure activities lends a sense of self-worth. Positive relationships with immediate and extended family provide a safety net too.

Nomads such as gypsies and travellers have a life expectancy of nearly 10% less than the national average. More than 40% of them have long term illnesses compared with 18% of settled community.

“I don’t like the house I’m in. I am fed up of looking at it. I don’t meet my own people here. I don’t see no one and I don’t mix with the other kids round here well.”

  • An 18 year old Romany gypsy boy.

No belongingness, no wellbeing.