Day 645

Being is Enough

“We are not always clear about what we are experiencing, or why. In the midst of grief, transition, transformation, learning, healing, or discipline—it’s difficult to have perspective. That’s because we have not learned the lesson yet. We are in the midst of it. The gift of clarity has not yet arrived. Our need to control can manifest itself as a need to know exactly what’s going on. We cannot always know. Sometimes, we need to let ourselves be and trust that clarity will come later, in retrospect. If we are confused, that is what we are supposed to be. The confusion is temporary. We shall see. The lesson, the purpose, shall reveal itself—in time, in its own time. It will all make perfect sense—later.

Today, I will stop straining to know what I don’t know, to see what I can’t see, to understand what I don’t yet understand. I will trust that being is sufficient, and let go of my need to figure things out.”

From the daily readings of Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) , a set of informal self-help groups made up of men and women with a common interest in working through the problems that co-dependency has caused in their lives. CoDA is based on AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and uses an adapted version of their Twelve Steps and Traditions as a central part of its suggested programme of recovery.

Day 642

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What makes a good life?

An answer to this age-old question was attempted by a huge study at Harvard. It followed 724 men from their teenage years for a period of 75 years. Half the men were students at Harvard and the other half were disadvantaged inner city boys of Boston. They all went on to pursue various fields of work – brick-layers, teachers, solicitors and one even became the president of America. Every year, each one of them answered a paper questionnaire and was interviewed in person. Bloods tests and brain scans were performed on them and a large body of data was collected and analysed.

What did they find?

Loneliness is toxic. Loneliness kills.
The way to health and happiness is through good relationships.
Cholesterol level is not a predictor of good health but the quality of one’s social connections is.
Good relationships protect the brain too. People who have friends and relatives they can count on retain their memory for much longer than the ones that don’t.
So, while relationships can be messy, difficult and trying, they are worth leaning into, be it with family, friends or a community.

How can this be done in real terms?

Replacing screen time with people time?
Doing something new – going for a long walk, gardening, volunteering, watching a black and white film, trying a new recipe?
Calling an old friend you’ve been thinking of for a while?
Putting a grudge or mistrust aside and reaching out?
You know best.

“There isn’t time for bickering, apologies, heart burnings, calling to account. There’s only time for loving. An instant for that.” – Mark Twain.

Good life = Good relationships.

Day 641

Posted by kidsaregifts20

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Some of us may not know it but we all belong to the Suicide Prevention community. We all make a difference in our own unique way. With every interaction, every smile, every kind word we shift the energy around us. By truly listening without judgement, creating a space for self-expression and understanding, with care and compassion we all can save lives.

Suicide is often a disease of loneliness. Modern values of individualism and capitalism perpetuate the feeling of being alone. Schools, universities and work places encourage competition as opposed to collaboration creating a higher sense of desperation and isolation. As a result each of us is more disconnected than ever before, not just with others but also with ourselves, blindly chasing time and seemingly important goals.

We look for individual wealth and glory. We look to be rich and famous. We look to leave a legacy that people will remember us by. But our true legacy lies in every life that we touch, in every interaction with another being, in each kind word, in every smile, in every authentic connection we form. Our legacy is in every person who gets hope because of us. The only true gifts we can give to someone, anyone, even a stranger are – our time and the gift of hope.

Day 640

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In 1960 Roald Dahl’s son Theo developed hydrocephalus (fluid collection in the brain) following a road accident. He needed repeated surgeries to drain the fluid through a thin tube (shunt) away from his brain. The problem was that the shunts repeatedly got blocked.

Dahl knew Stanley Wade, an expert in precision hydraulic engineering from their shared hobby of flying model aircrafts. In 1960 a team formed by Wade, neurosurgeon Kenneth Till and Dahl invented a new valve with a negligible risk of blockage. By the time the device was perfected, Theo had healed to the point at which it was not necessary for him. However, several thousand other children around the world benefited from the WDT valve before medical technology progressed beyond it.

His daughter Olivia died of measles at the age of seven in 1962. Her death destroyed him. Many years later he spoke of his lack of fear of death, “If Olivia can do it, so can I.”

Roald Dahl believed in taking practical steps to improve the lives of those around him. He generously gave his time and money to help seriously ill children and their families, including many he never met. Roald Dahl’s Marvellous Children’s Charity helps to make life better for seriously ill children and young people in the UK.

The charity believes that every child has the right to a more marvellous life, no matter how ill they are, or short their life may be. They focus upon helping those who have the biggest needs, and who aren’t being fully supported by anybody else. This might be because they have a serious rare condition, be living in poverty, or not have any family at all.

2016 marks 100 years since the birth of Roald Dahl, an extraordinary storyteller, a pilot, a spy, an inventor and most of all, a father.

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Dat 626

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Twenty-two years ago a 37 years old journalist Mike McIntyre felt his life was quickly passing him by. So one day he hit the road to trek from one end of the USA to the other with just the clothes on his back and not a single penny in his pocket. Through his travels, he found varying degrees of kindness in strangers from all walks of life and discovered more about people, values and life on the road in America than he’d ever thought possible. The gifts of food and shelter he received along the way were outweighed only by the touching gifts of the heart – the willingness of many he met to welcome a lonely stranger into their homes…and the discovery that sometimes those who give the most are the ones with the least to spare. He wrote an insightful book called ‘Kindness of Strangers’ based on his travel experiences.

The rail industry in the UK is piloting a new on-line service called Rail505. It empowers rail users to identify individuals on railway platforms who might be at risk of harm and provide them with resources to get help for these individuals. They have four 15 second you-tube clips on their website (Rail505.com) that are recordings from a CCTV camera. They are titled – shoes, bridge, sign and bench. Each of them is subtle and educative at the same time. Even if we think we can’t do much to help, there is always something we can do. Trust your instincts, says the website. The signs that someone is at risk from harm aren’t always obvious, but we all know when something doesn’t feel right.

“There was a time in this country when you were a jerk if you passed somebody in need. Now you’re a fool for helping. Gangs, drugs, murderers, rapists, thieves, carjackers. Why risk it? I Don’t Want to Get Involved has become a national motto.” – Mike McIntyre.

Time to talk. Time to change.