Day 841

His bathroom has 3 lights, one on top of the mirror and the other 2 on the ceiling. The switch for the mirror light is just underneath the mirror. The switch for the ceiling lights is outside the bathroom door. I sometimes found the mirror-light switched on, on the way to his room even when he wasn’t there. I would tell him off for repeatedly forgetting to turn the light off after use. Now, it is my bathroom. I still find the mirror light on sometimes when I go upstairs, even if I haven’t been there for hours.

It is so easy to forget to turn the mirror-light off. I know that now.

I would arrange mail-order deliveries for the times when he would be home. Sometimes he would be in his room on the second floor and fail to open the door for them, especially if they came very early in the morning. We would then have to go around chasing our parcels. Again, I would get a bit annoyed with him for missing out on the deliveries.

Now we sleep in his room. One morning last week, I almost didn’t hear the deliveryman’s knock on the door. I thought I heard something like a knock in my sleep but disregarded it, believing it to be a dream. An identical sound came again and nudged me out of my slumber. Had the man not had enough patience, he would have left us a note and gone to his next destination. But I did manage to bundle myself up and roll myself down the stairs in a semi-comatose panic to get to the door just in time.

It’s so easy to miss a delivery. I know that now.

 

Day 835

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The sensitive ones feel deeply, love deeply, hurt deeply. In this hard world, they are forced to grow an armour of steel but inside they are soft and bruise easily. They suffer not only their own angst but also the pain of everyone around them, especially those they love.

They make good mimics and actors because they can literally put themselves in someone else’s shoes. It is their keen observation and empathy that enables them to imitate others accents and actions to perfection.

They make good musicians because their ears and brains are superbly tuned to their heart-strings and they can truly feel the music.

They make good friends as they are loyal, honest and true. Simple things mean a lot to them. Their purity and simplicity make them adorable.

Their sensitivity is the source of their passion and compassion, creativity and a deep appreciation of the small things in life, keen awareness and a vivid inner life.

They suffer deeply when betrayed, rejected or devalued. They fret over misunderstandings and unresolved issues.

All they want is to love and be loved.

The world needs more sensitive people but sadly, hasn’t learnt to value them enough.

drumming

 

Day 834

Zombified, after 10 hours of intense work, I walk to the station. Someone stops me and tells me something about a special offer of a makeover, a photo shoot or something like that for any day within the next 6 months. I can’t fully comprehend it. It’s not the kind of thing I would normally sign up for but I am too tired to think and it sounds like fun.

A few days later I mention it to Si. He’s not at all sure about it. He wants to know more. I can’t give him any more details as I actually don’t know exactly what I have signed up to and partially paid for. We mark the date in our diaries, he much more reluctantly than me. Then a business trip comes up and it has to be postponed. The same thing happens again. Then I loose the vouchers. They say, that’s enough. It’s off. Thank God! A few days later, a call to say they have thought about it and they would like us to come for it anyway.

Today’s the day. Si and I find ourselves frantically sorting through clothes and shoes while gobbling down tea and toast this morning. We load up the car and rush into town only to find major road closures to make space for a Charity 10K run. A long diversion later we get there 40 minutes late but to our dismay they can slot us in an hour later. That hour is well spent in a cozy café nearby having jasmine tea and Halloumi salad, recovering from the long, slow drive through the narrow streets of London.

Warm welcome. Comfy furniture. Brightly lit. Spacious. Chilled out. Chatty, friendly people. Creative calm space. A few changes of clothes. A lot of laughs. Sharing travel stories. Smiles. Hugs. Cups of tea. Reflectors. Flashes. The shh-shh of the shutter. Strangely decorated rooms. Fancy backdrops. Luxurious sofas. Complements. Fun. Si loved it. Phew!

Trying out something new together. Highly recommended.

Day 833

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According to Vedic science, there are 7 centers of energy in our body, called Chakras. The Heart Chakra sits in the centre of the chest at the confluence of physical and spiritual energies. In Sanskrit, it is called ‘Anahata’ which means ‘unstuck’ or ‘unhurt’. It implies that underneath the pain of past experiences lies a pure and spiritual place where no hurt exists. It is the seat of healing.

The heart chakra is home to 3 things: Love, Hate and Fear. If divine unconditional Love resides there, then there is no place for Hate or Fear. Similarly, if it is consumed by Hate, there is no room for Love or Fear. If Fear dominates, then neither Love nor Hate can thrive. There are examples of all these scenarios around us.

All over the world, Fear and Hate are being driven into people’s hearts mainly by the way things are interpreted and reported in the mainstream media. Nations are choosing their leaders and their futures based on Fear and Hate. There is no place for Love. Is this the world of our dreams? Is this our vision for our future generations?

When the heart chakra is open, we are flowing with love and compassion, we are quick to forgive, and we accept others and ourselves as we are. A closed heart chakra can give way to grief, anger, jealousy, fear of betrayal, and hatred toward yourself and others.

Sometimes it is easier to remain in a state of suffering than to choose to be happy. Vedic sciences say that as the energies rise upwards through the chakras, we approach a state of awareness and bliss. The downward movement of energies causes inertia and stagnation.

Today I met a healer who introduced me to the concept of ‘loving your guilt away’. She said, ‘Have as much love and compassion for yourself as you have for others. Open your Heart Chakra.’

Ref: http://www.chopra.com/articles/open-yourself-to-love-with-the-fourth-chakra

 

 

 

Day 831

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(Saagar playing Widow Twanky in Aladdin at Durham, Christmas 2012)

Recently a young man taught me how to save pictures from Facebook. I went to Saagar’s page and found a huge treasure! Smiles, fancy dress parties, gigs, hanging out with friends, pulling faces, playing the clown, doing a ‘Usain Bolt’, being on stage …

Memories warm me up from the inside but they also tear me apart. Sometimes they sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks.

They flood my mind with the light of a thousand bright stars.

A million memories. Countless thoughts. One person. One love.

Love you and miss you my delightful, beautiful boy!!!

poser

(Comment: ‘Why can’t I stop myself from doing this at parties?’)