Day 323

Moving from a busy, noisy place to a quiet, calm one means that I hear the sounds in my head even more. While there is a lot of newness to experience and more space to be, the feelings also have more room to surface and find expression.

Right now they are not allowing me to keep any food down and making me feel really tired. Unable to do anything but sit, I watched the sun go down behind the hill and light up the sky in magical shades of pink and yellow. Just as I started to feel the darkness setting in, a kitten appeared from behind a tree and headed towards a red bowl on the ground. Finding no food in the bowl, it circled around it a couple of times. Then, another one showed up and then 2 more. The 4 siblings went on to put on the cutest show of childlike fun. They climbed up and down the trees, chased each other around, hissed and clawed at each other, tumbled around and played beautifully. The food soon arrived and they were so tiny that they had to precariously balance themselves on the edge of the bowl to get their food without falling in.

I enjoyed watching them. They reminded me of Milkshake. My son and he could entertain themselves for hours with laser lights and string balls. At night they would cuddle up and sleep.

There are so many things to hold and cherish.

Why is it that the mind tends to latch on to the negative stuff? One can go to the most exotic places on earth but the mind comes with you. There art lies in allowing the beauty to surpass the sadness.

Day 321

Today was made up of a walk on the beach, a yoga session, time with old friends and new, a nap in the sun, a traditional portuguese lunch, watching a sunset, observing a 10 year old boy play with stones, sand and water, walking bare foot and hearing all kinds of conversations in various languages.

All through the day, I felt absolutely nothing. May be it is the precursor of peace, which has been making brief appearances lately. May be not.

This poem ‘Nothing was given to us to enjoy’ by Elan Mudrow says it all :

I knew nothing very well.
In praise of nada, I adorned
No jewelry, no tattoos, no makeup
Plain white socks and a t-shirt
The walls of my home,
Decorated in a tasteful
Sense of nothing.
My food, not spiced
Not salted, not peppered.
I read books about nothing special
You can find them at any nondescript market.
The garbage, picked up on Wednesday
Recycling on Tuesday, nothing changed.
At work, nobody bothered me
They spoke of children, parties
Movies, husbands, in laws, disgruntled neighbors
A whole load of nothing interesting
It could be said that
Nothing really bothered me
I was intrigued with nothing
Or was it that nothing was intrigued with me?
I wrote a memoir, it came out of the blue
From thin air. Where else would it come from?
I found out that
I have nothing in common
With thousands upon thousands
Of nobodies
We embraced each other
And nothing grew out of our endeavors
Except a lot of meaningless talk
Which, incidentally, I may add
Didn’t amount to a hill of beans
Just the way it should
I went on tours
To nowhere in particular
And praised zilch about
The power of nothing
And how emptiness had
Entered my life
I didn’t have much to say
So the tours were short
But there were refreshments.
Meats from animals that
Nobody knew the names of
Bland vegetable plates
That had been sucked of their flavor
Tasteless wines. Bad beer
If there was a glass half full
I would drink the remainder
To make sure it was empty
Mine was a philosophical dead end
An occupy revolution without direction
No bosses, no presidents
To my surprise, people loved it
And embraced it with empty arms
A university was built with no name
In my honor
pedestals of my likeness
Dotted the campus
They looked nothing like me.
I taught graduate studies
On how to read into nothing.
I invested in info-commercials
“How to accomplish nothing
in 0 easy steps”
I saw nothing spread throughout
The world.
Everyone engaged
With hell of a lot of nothing
Nasa went the moon
For what? Some rocks
See the pointlessness?

People climbed Mt. Everest
And ran marathons. When?
In their spare time
Which is just another name
For nothing. Why did they do it?
Because they had nothing
Better to do
But, it was at one of my seminars
When the world, nearly swayed
In a certain discernable direction.
Which is dangerous
And can only be next to nothing
What happened was that
I had a heckler. This is what he said.

“You know, you are really something”
The room went quiet
The look of shock appeared on
My followers’ faces
They grabbed him by the arms
And were about the escort him
Out of the hall
I feared that something was going
To happen to him and that
Would cause a wave of bad
Somethings that could put
The world at risk of fighting
In and amongst ourselves.
Because, that’s what something does
So, in a calm and nonchalant way, I said
“Stop, do nothing to him at all.”
And you know what? nothing happened!
If it wasn’t for nothing, something like violence
Would have occurred.
So, this is what I learned from nothing.
And really, it is nothing that special.
When we have realized that we are nothing
And that we share nothing in common
Only then, can we accomplish
The greatest nothingness never ever achieved
Peace
So, remember. You are not special
You are nothing at all, just like me.

Day 304

Hindi and Urdu poetry is a treasure trove of expressions of love. Unfortunately a lot of the sweetness and depth gets lost in translation.

Gulzar is an accomplished poet, author, lyricist and film director. What makes his writing exceptional is its subtlety and simplicity. While it is deeply human, it has a profoundly metaphysical dimension to it. Here is an attempted translation of one of his prose on the delicate and sublime nature of love, originally written in Urdu. These couplets have been dear to me since I was a young girl. They have meant different things at different times over the years.

“I have witnessed the fragrance emanating from those eyes.
Do not stain it by labelling it as a relationship.
It is just a realisation; experience it with your soul.
Let love be love, do not ascribe it a label.

Love is not words, love is not a sound (or voice).
It is a silence that listens and speaks by itself.
It does not die, it does not stop, it does not pause.
It is a drop of divinity that flows for eons.

It blooms like a smile somewhere in the eyes.
It adorns the eyelashes with a glow.
Lips do not say much but on quivering lips,
many silent stories remain suspended (waiting to be told).

It is just a realisation; experience it with your soul.
Let love be love, do not ascribe it a label.”

The word ‘realisation’ denotes oneness with the Universe.
A self-realised person is ‘in love’ with everything and everybody.
Unconditionally.

Putting a name to love restricts it.
Expectations to conform to the norms of that label set in.
They do not allow for the expansion of consciousness.
Let love remain boundless, pure and unstained.

Day 290

As the days go by, I find that one of the tools I have that can help me feel better, but I just take for granted and do not pay much attention to, is my body. I can use it to distract myself, to feel good and useful. Yoga sessions, cycle rides, showers and long walks make me feel light, happy and healthy.

This dense physical structure called the body is not the real me. It is a vehicle that carries that which is beyond birth and death. Yet within its impermanence lies concealed the splendour of our essential and immortal reality. Eckhart Tolle describes the concept of an invisible inner body, veiled by the gross body that we can see and touch. It is the doorway into Being.

For brief periods of time I can keep my attention on the inner body and that keeps me from loosing myself in my mind. Thoughts, emotions, desires and noises coming from the outer world don’t seem to have much hold on me. I can stay anchored in the Now. However this happens for short intervals of time. I need more practice, to be mindful of my inner body when I work, listen, speak, read or sit still.

“As long as you are in conscious contact with your inner body, you are like a tree that is deeply rooted in the earth.”
Eckhart Tolle

Day 282

Silence.

Does it exist in its own right or is it the mere absence of sound?
The revolutions of electrons around the nucleus in every atom must create some vibrations.
How do gazillions of them exist without a whisper?
Does the universe hum at an inaudible frequency?
Does the earth rumble silently at it’s core?
When I sit still with my eyes closed, my mind begins to yell but no words are uttered. Is that silence?

Music is a series of silences.
Would the sound of quiet breathing be called silent?
The night is an invisible silence.
Wonder what shape and colour silence is?
Or is it a formless concept?
Does it travel in waves or particles?

Is it silence that connects beings or is it words?
Is it as limitless as eternity or does it disappear in an instant?
Does it sit deep within us waiting to be discovered?
Or does it harmonise our inner wavelength with that of the outer world?

Do televisions and radios destroy it for us or help us to appreciate it?
Sometimes it means ‘no’ and other times ‘yes’.
It can be a sign of weakness or strength.

Do we need to go away on a ‘retreat’ to experience it or can it be accessed in the middle of a traffic jam?
Is it the sound just before a bird starts to sing?

The silence in my soul is the same as the silence in your soul, my darling.
Love is silence.