Day 360

Posted by kidsaregifts20

“Raising standards, improving lives” is the motto of Ofsted, the Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills. While looking for a school for their kids most parents look at Ofsted reports that tells them about the academic excellence achieved by schools. However, it does not tell them anything about the attention paid to the mental well being of the children attending a particular school. There can be no wellbeing without mental wellbeing.

Given that most mental illness presents in the teens and early twenties, it would also be worthwhile asking these questions: do they have a school nurse and/or a mental health counsellor who is well trained in these matters; does the school push for academic excellence at the cost of student’s mental well being; are the staff sensitive to the non-academic needs of the students; what is the anti-bullying policy of the school; does the school provide a positive learning environment for all its pupils?

Tatiana Cutts, a student from Oxford University writes: “The story of how I ended up there (a psychiatric institute) is not an uncommon one in Oxford. I love sports, but enjoyment wasn’t factored into my game-plan for finals, so rugby, surfing, running, swimming, football – it all fell by the wayside. I gradually progressed from 12-hour working days in Michaelmas to 16-hour working days in Hilary term. I’d get up at 9am and go to bed at 2am, only pausing briefly to prepare meals, which I would eat by myself, in front of my computer. I always worked alone in my room.”

“I was so frightened of not being allowed to finish my degree that I refused to allow the Priory psychiatrist to tell the Oxford psychiatrist that I had been institutionalised, or that I had been diagnosed as suffering a psychotic episode. I was terrified of what people who had seen me in college would say, so I never spoke about the previous year. I remembered it all vividly, and that only made the feelings of guilt and shame worse. I hated spending time with anyone who had known me that year. And they never mentioned it. It was the elephant in the room.”

Tatiana went on to start a student led campaign at Oxford called ‘Mind your head Oxford” aimed at raising awareness and reducing stigma around mental illness by encouraging other students to share their stories.

http://mindyourheadoxford.org/#_=_

Her’s is not an uncommon story at Oxford or any institution where competition and “excellence” are the only things that matter.

Day 338

Posted by kidsaregifts20

“What makes cyber bullying so dangerous … is that anyone can practice it without having to confront the victim. You don’t have to be strong or fast, simply equipped with a cell phone or computer and a willingness to terrorize. (King, 2006)

Bullying creates memories that often last a lifetime. Simply hearing the name of a person who bullied them, even years or decades after the bullying occurred, may be enough to send shivers up the spines of many people.

When most adults think of bullying, they conjure up the image of a big thug who terrorized kids on the playground at school. The horrible encounters with this bully luckily came to an end as the victim left school and went home.

This is not the case with cyber bullying which, in the age of smartphones and social media, is relentless. It sometimes claims lives as the link below illustrates:

Here are some more facts:

4 in 10 kids have been bullied online, 1 in 4 has had it happen more than once.
70% of students report seeing frequent bullying online. Most teens use a cell phone regularly, making it the most common medium for cyber bullying.
7 in 10 teens agree that cyber bullying is a serious problem, while 8 in 10 think bullying online is easier to get away with than bullying in person.
90% of teens who have seen social-media bullying say they have ignored it. 84% have seen others tell cyber bullies to stop.
Only 1 in 10 victims will inform a parent or trusted adult of their abuse.
Girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber bullying.
Bullying victims are at least twice as likely to consider ending their lives.

Low self-esteem, suicidal ideation, anger, frustration, and a variety of other emotional and psychological problems result from this huge and relentless insult. The pity of it is that parents are often the last ones to find out as illustrated by these links:

https://www.dosomething.org/facts/11-facts-about-cyber-bullying
http://nobullying.com/facts-about-cyber-bullying/

Cyberbullying Facts

Such isolation and victimization in the midst of immense connectivity is a terrible tragedy.
Young people who want social change have set up this website https://uk.dosomething.org/

Let’s all do something and not passively accept this as an unchangeable reality of the present times.

Day 337

Posted by kidsaregifts20

In the days and weeks after my son passed away, we had a constant stream of people in our house. Sometimes there would be nowhere to sit. Friends would send food as cooking in the house is traditionally not recommended until the cremation has taken place. Sometimes I would tire, but mostly I would be very grateful for these visitors – familiar, friendly, kind faces trying their best to see us through this treacherous reality. Just having them around was comforting. They didn’t have to say or do anything. Not once did I feel like anyone was intruding on anything.

Some of our English friends found this interestingly different from what they were used to. They really saw the beauty in it – a sense of community and collective strength. Crying, hugging, talking about him, drinking tea, having meals and sometimes even laughing and singing together.

Would I really have liked to be left alone when I was so fragile and distraught? I don’t think so. My mother really got that. Being alone was nearly impossible for me. It meant having to face the horror of it without any buffers. I couldn’t do it even after 3-4 months.

Some of the other bereaved parents have shared the same sentiment. It’s not good to be left alone at such a difficult time. It’s nice to be asked by a friend or a colleague to meet up for coffee or go for a walk. There is not much anyone can say to make it much worse than it already is but there are many ways of making it a little bit more bearable. Once again, it comes down to reaching out.

This week I saw my mortgage advisor. We have known each other for at least 4 years. He knew about my son’s death but for some reason he couldn’t acknowledge it. I am sure it is not because he doesn’t feel terrible about it but I wonder what stopped him. Is it really a cultural thing or is it the general discomfort with the issue of mortality or the fear of saying the wrong thing or the fact that nearly a year has gone by since it happened? Whatever it is, it is unnecessary. Saying, “I am sorry you lost your child” is human. Even after 11 months have passed. In this case, time means nothing.

Day 333

Posted by kidsaregifts20

A young nurse approached me and said “I just wanted to thank you for writing that article. I was not sure but now I know exactly what I need to do.” We stood hugging each other for a while in the hospital corridor this morning. I felt grateful for that moment. Her heartfelt gratitude brought tears to my eyes.

The response to the article makes me feel as though people have been waiting to hear more about mental illness and suicide. They have been like unacknowledged entities that exist amongst us silently. Or maybe we have been deaf-mute so far and now are ready to speak and listen. It is about time; already too late for some of us.

Last week I met a young doctor whose wife is near the end of her GP training. He told me that she has not spent any dedicated time in psychiatry during the 3 years of her training. Nothing at all. This is still happening. 1 in 4 patients attending a GP surgery present with a problem which has a direct or indirect bearing on their state of mind.

CPR (Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation) is part of mandatory training for all doctors because it saves lives. But Suicide Prevention is not. Does that not save lives?

Those that speak out tend to be those who have been most affected by mental illness and suicide. That something good comes of their/our suffering and loss is but a small consolation but perhaps it was always this way:

Like to a ship that storms urge on its course,
By its own trials our soul is surer made.
The very things that make the voyage worse
Do make it better; its peril is its aid.
And, as the storm drives from the storm, our heart
Within the peril disimperilled grows;
A port is near the more from port we part –
The port whereto our driven direction goes.
If we reap knowledge to cross-profit, this
From storms we learn, when the storm’s height doth drive –
That the black presence of its violence is
The pushing promise of near far blue skies.
Learn we but how to have the pilot-skill,
And the storm’s very might shall mate our will.

– Fernando Pessoa

Day 310

Posted by kidsaregifts20

This time last year, he was nearly ‘normal’ as he had responded really well to Olanzepine (Zyprexa), the antipsychotic medication. He was under the care of the Community Mental Health Team and everyone seemed happy with his progress.

I was relieved but was still reeling from the effect his behaviour during the episode of hypomania had had on me. That was proper psychosis, as defined by the medical dictionary – radical change in personality and a distorted or nonexistent sense of objective reality, caused by delusions and hallucinations.

I phoned the mental health team as I wanted to know more about what it means for us a family if our son has this type of an illness. The psychiatrist said, ”it could just be a one off.” That left me none the wiser, not knowing what to expect next or what to watch out for.

What came next was a gradual onset of low mood, him spending a lot of time by himself, him coming back from his placement abroad in 2 days as he was unable to function, upside down sleep pattern, difficult to talk to as he would barely speak much and a neglect of his appearance. He went to the gym everyday but I noticed that the time he spent there became shorter and shorter. Shaving his beard seemed like a herculean task to him.

I did not know it then but that was psychosis too – Psychotic Depression.

People with psychotic depression may be humiliated or ashamed of their thoughts and try to hide them. Doing so makes this type of depression very difficult to diagnose.

But diagnosis is important as its treatment is different to that for nonpsychotic depression. I suppose this is the kind of thing that specialists would know. I was only a layperson when it came to mental illness.