Day 51

Pain is just pain. It turns into suffering when we choose to allow it to become that.

A few days ago, a well-meaning friend tried to explain the various stages of grieving to me. I am sure it has been studied extensively and lots of material published on it. Somehow, I was not keen to find out all about it, not because I know better but because I don’t think the experience  is the same for any two people. I just wanted to be with my feelings and observe them as they came and went.

At present I am watching a little part of me feeling like if I was to go back to being ‘normal’, it would be a betrayal to his memory. Isn’t it too early to do that anyway? What is the right time? Someone said, ‘don’t take any big decisions for at least 6 months’. Where does that figure come from? How can it apply to everyone in the same situation?

Tomorrow is a big day for our family as there is a birthday and an anniversary to celebrate. In addition, I have an hour and a half long telephonic meeting with the investigators. Should be interesting.

I shall just experience the experience.

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