Day 53

Varanasi is a place of pilgrimage situated on the banks of river Ganga. This is where learned saints and sages of yore came to take their last breaths so that they could attain ‘Moksha’ or freedom from the cycle of re-birth.

The human body is believed to be made up of 5 elements: earth, water, air, fire and ether. My son’s mortal remains have already been merged with the atmosphere through the Fire God, who stands for enlightenment, purity and truth, during the Cremation ceremony. Today my partner and I have brought the ashes of my darling son here, to deliver him to his final resting place.

I have been carrying the urn with me all day – in the taxi, at the airport, walking in the streets, feeling like he is with me, making jokes about how heavy he is and feeling proud of him as usual. Tomorrow I will have no choice but to completely let go. Let go of the pain, the sadness, the immense attachment, the anger, the angst and the guilt. Everything except love.

Only love is real.

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