Sitting at a quiet spot away from the madness of cities and people, thinking back on my life and trying to dissect it seems like a pointless and silly thing to do. Yet, I am doing it. The topmost thought is the large amount of time I have spent doing the things that I thought I ‘have to’ do as opposed to the tiny amount of time spent on things that I ‘want to’ do.
One time I came back home after appearing for an exam and the moment I entered the door my son asked me – Did you win? 🙂
Living thousands of miles from home, working at least 9-11 hours per day, keeping awake all night nearly every 4th night while on emergency duty, preparing for seriously competitive exams, picking him up from school as often as I could, making sure he’s getting fresh home-cooked meals everyday, going out somewhere nice together on weekends, helping him with home-work, and so on ….. meant that I was constantly pre-occupied, rushing around, sleep deprived and exhausted. That is the Mum he had from 5 to 12.
Did I have to make those choices? Was I subconsciously willing to sacrifice our happiness for manufactured ideals? Why was I unable to stop and reevaluate my priorities? Was it because many others were doing the same thing? Was it just ‘normal’? Was it ok because we were somehow managing?
I sit here looking at the waves lovingly erase the footsteps of all who walk past. No point dwelling on it too much. It is just life. I shift my focus to the horizon and appreciate the view. It is beautiful!
PS: Link of the day: http://mindslikeours.org/2015/01/03/depression/