Day 222

We have a date for the Coroner’s inquest.
The liason officer has been very considerate in all her correspondence. I requested only those documents that help me understand the care he received before the event. My main questions are:

  1. Was the suicide anticipated?
  2. If not, why not?
  3. If yes, what was done to prevent it?

I have spent hours going through the statements, notes, letters and appendices. It is like reliving the visits to the health practitioners, the helplessness, the sheer angst of trying to help him but not getting anywhere.

In my mind, I am already there in the court-room with all the people concerned, waiting for the proceedings to begin. My notes are ready. I have been preparing for months. I am ready yet I am dreading it. So far I have been very fortunate in my medical career as I have never had to appear in the Coroner’s court. This will be a first.

Talking of firsts, since he’s been gone, everyday is a first in one way or another. Today is the first 27th May without him. This is the first spring without him. Last night was the first night I spent at home all by myself since Day 0.

If he was around he would say, ”Let it be Mamma.”

In medicine, we often speak of the ‘mother principle’ that means when we see a patient we think how we would treat him or her if that person was our mother. We are more likely to make correct decisions and treat patients well if we use this principle in our everyday practice. I wonder when doctors see a strapping young 20 year old man, how many of them think of him as their ‘child’.

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