Day 324

He said “Sorry” in his suicide note, “I can’t take this anymore.”
He knew this would be hurtful for me and for others who love him.

What would he want for me now?

He would want me to be happy.
To acknowledge his suffering.
To honour his decision.
To be at peace with myself and with the world around me.
To experience deep joy and satisfaction in everything I do.
To look after myself – eat well, take my medicines in time and exercise regularly.
To continue using Apple and not go back to Microsoft.
To remember all the good times.
To do my best to help others in his position.
To know that I did my best to help him.
To feel good about him and about myself.
To laugh a lot even if he is not here to make me laugh.
To give the love I want to give.
To ‘chillax’ and stay ‘coooool’.
To enjoy the ‘goodings’ things of life.
To sing, dance and celebrate what is.
To know that he is never too far away.
To have lots of fancy dress parties.
To not define my identity with his death.
To move on and create something beautiful.
To hold him in my heart with love, not pain.
To set him free on his journey with blessings.
To be kind to myself and everyone else.

To know that our souls are indestructible and we both are everlasting parts of the Big Consciousness.

To know that we will meet again soon.
To believe that everything is alright.

I think.

Mainly, to be happy.

8 thoughts on “Day 324

  1. Reblogged this on blahpolar diaries and commented:
    I have no idea where she finds the strength and grace to explore and express her heart this way. RIP to another beautiful soul.

    World Suicide Prevention Day on the 10th, be at the Meds Cocktail Party any time, light a candle at 8pm, honour and mourn our dead. And if you’re suicidal, tell someone now, see a psychiatrist asap, get your ass to ER, get a dog – and if none of those are workable and you feel like you can’t hold on, try to go slow with it, it’s a huge thing. If you really need to go, know that you will be mourned by your tribe, by us. You are one of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Day 324 | momentarylapseofsanity

  3. Thanks so much for reminding me Sangeeta. I have mentally acknowledged all these points over the last few months. However as the first anniversary approaches I have stopped thinking and just feel the loss and emptiness. The early autumnal weather has descended on my mind and with the darkness and falling of the leaves, I know this year what accompanies this.
    As I sit in my pj’s at 11am feeling disconnected from the world I will remember this verse and summon the will to not only carry on but also try to embrace more of life.
    Thanks again xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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