She had met Saagar just once. He had come to my hospital to see a colleague in August 2014 and we sat in the tea-room, chatting. She was there too. I had to go but she stayed and spoke with him for a while. She found him very engaging and charming. In fact, she really liked him. She had 3 sons in their late teens/early twenties and we would often talk about our sons. Although we never saw each other socially, we were much more than work colleagues.

She attended Saagar’s memorial service. She was heartbroken for me when he died. She was the first one to have a hot chocolate with me after that as she knew what it meant for me. When I restarted work, Thursdays were most difficult. It was a cursed thursday that I came to work and left him alone to deal with his demons. I came to this very hospital. I saw her on Thursdays. With her kind eyes, generous smile and friendly chat, she slowly made me forget what day of the week it was. I looked forward to seeing her again. We greeted each other with a warm hug every time and made time for a heart to heart. I treasured the time spent with her. On many occasions we tried to meet up socially but it somehow didn’t work. But she read this blog everyday. She said it had become her ‘thought for the day’. She was one of those people who emerged out of nowhere and stood by me like a sacred pillar, being my source of strength and giving me all the credit for it.

Last week she was in her favourite country on holiday. She fell very ill and despite good medical care, passed away within 3 days.

Where do all the good people go? How do I get to grips with this new reality? What now? All over again!

Does she get to see Saagar now? Do they still have a special connection? Are they able to comfort each other? How does this whole thing work?

Love you and miss you M. Peace be upon you. xxx