In one hand I hold the joy, excitement and celebrations of the upcoming wedding, the holidays, time with family and friends, the outfits, the outdoors, the sweets, the music and festivities. New beginnings!
In the other hand I hold my devastation over having not seen Saagar for 3 years. Three years! The years made up of unliveable moments. The period that has shown me what’s important. The weeks and months that have seen friendships thin out and flimsy acquaintances grow into pillars of strength. The time when I have met some of the most incredible people I know. The time during which I have come to know more families bereaved by suicide than I knew existed. Also the time I have learnt about being human.
Both are simultaneously and fully present. I am fully present to both. I honour them both and hold them close to my heart. I know that Saagar is smiling. I know he is with me.
After a long time, today I took a chance and bought water-proof mascara.