Day 849

School playgrounds are challenging places. Many of us haven’t quite survived them or their equivalents. They are part of growing up and some of the memories created there, stay with us for a long time. Our childhood never leaves us.

The playground has now extended itself into our private spaces via the World Wide Web. There is nowhere to hide. No place is safe. The aggressors can be cowardly and hide but the attacked are exposed even when sitting alone in their bedrooms. Any child from any background can be a victim and any child from any background can be a culprit.

How easy it is to make people feel they don’t fit in, by words or by indifference. Many agonise over fitting in and being accepted for who they are. The deep desire to fit in can cause misery for life. The feelings of non-acceptance are deeply damaging when internalised, leading to long term mental and physical health problems.

It must not be easy for kids to talk about being bullied. It must hurt. It must be embarrassing. Attention needs to be paid to what they say to alert us to the subtle or overt bullying that goes on. Every blessing requires care and commitment. Everyone needs to feel loved and valued. While meanness may afford short-term gains, kindness is transformative.

In Primary school, Saagar’s friend Adam always stood up for him in the ‘school playground’. They were best friends for many years and I am very grateful to Adam for his kindness. Saagar was too even though at the time he did not know that he would not survive the playground. Neither did I. 

Henry James said, “ Three things in human life are important: first is to be kind; second is to be kind; and third is to be kind.”

The ‘Special K’.

 

 

Day 842

A Psychiatrist recently expressed his point of view- “If I take everyone who tells me they want to end their lives seriously, I would have to admit almost everyone I see to hospital. What we need is for people to be able to verbalise how they feel rather than dash straight to a perceived solution.” I suppose he means it would be helpful if everyone had an emotional vocabulary, a way of describing how they feel – happy, worried, excited, frustrated, scared, wretched, rotten, hopeless, angry…  a process that ideally should start when we’re kids. Just like we learn to identify objects and name them, we should develop the ability to identify our feelings and name them.

“If you’re happy and you know it…clap your hands.”
“If you’re happy and you know it, hug a friend.”
“If you’re sad and you know it, cry a tear – “boo-hoo.”
“If you’re mad and you know it, use your words “I’m mad.”
“If you’re scared and you know it, get some help, “HEEELLLLPPP!”
“If you’re silly and you know it, make a face, “BBBBLLLUUUUHHHH!”

“A large and more complex feeling vocabulary allows children to make finer discriminations between feelings; to better communicate with others about their internal affective states; and to engage in discussions about their personal experiences with the world”
– Centre on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning (CSEFEL)

Adults can proactively teach young children to identify their feelings and those of others. Through stories, modelling and role play they can pair an emotion with a coping strategy, for example, taking a deep breath when angry; requesting a break when annoyed, talking to someone when sad. Positive emotions may need to be regulated too.

When I was young, feelings didn’t get much attention. They were often set aside, ignored or suppressed. They didn’t seem to be important. They came and went and changed all the time. So, it was easy to not hang on to them. Doing, behaving, achieving and knowing were important. They were tangible and afforded rewards. So, it was easy to focus on them. I didn’t have an emotional vocabulary. I didn’t know there was such a thing. I didn’t know many people who had it. Now I am learning.

Ref:

The feelings song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsISd1AMNYU

On Monday when it rained: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOhwGmxDPl8

http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/modules/module2/handout6.pdf