Three years back I joined a club no one wants to be a member of. I became a parent who lost their beautiful child to suicide. He was 20. I didn’t think it was possible. I trusted his doctors to take good care of him. I trusted they would tell me if there was a real risk of him dying, given I am his mother and was his prime carer. I thought they had the expertise to identify and address ‘crisis’ when they saw it. Suicide was not in the script. It was not supposed to happen. I turn the fact of his sudden traumatic death over and over in my head and it makes no sense.
There are hundreds of distraught and bewildered members of this club. Common themes emerge from their stories. The commonest one is:
“They knew our child wanted to end his/her life but they didn’t tell us anything about it.”
Who are they?
Decision makers – Medics. Universities.
Because he/she is over 18, hence, technically an adult.
Their ‘confidentiality’ is paramount.
Is it more important than helping them stay alive?
The Hippocratic oath states:
“I will follow that system of regimen which, according to my ability and judgment, I consider for the benefit of my patients, and abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous.”
According to experts, these are the essential components of an effective suicide prevention safety plan:
- Discussing the reasons for living
- Safe environment
- Identify distress triggers
- Removing ways to harm yourself
- Activities to calm/lift mood or distract
- Contacts for general support
- Specific suicide prevention support
- Professional support
- Emergency contact details
- Personal commitment to follow safety plan
Most of the above cannot be implemented without the help of carers and families if the person in question is seriously unwell. This has been recognised by the Department of Health, Royal Colleges of Psychiatrists, GPs and Nursing along with The British Association of Social Workers and The British Psychological Society. Together they published a consensus statement entitled “Information Sharing and Suicide Prevention” in 2014, the same year that my son, Saagar Naresh passed away. It clearly states that practitioners should disclose information to an appropriate person or authority if this is necessary to protect a child or young person from risk of death or serious harm.
“If the purpose of the disclosure is to prevent a person who lacks capacity from serious harm, there is an expectation that practitioners will disclose relevant confidential information, if it is considered to be in the person’s best interest to do so.”
This is still not being practised. The world of medicine is a conservative and defensive one. Until the regulatory bodies, NHS Trusts and the Government come forward to reassure practitioners that their decision to share information appropriately will be supported by them, nothing will change.
While the world carries on, innocent youngsters die from lack of support and understanding from the very people who are best placed to help them. PAPYRUS, a UK charity dedicated to prevention of young suicides demands that information be appropriately shared with carers and families by all who take care of vulnerable young people at risk of suicide.
Confidentiality versus Life. It’s a no-brainer.
 PAPYRUS (https://www.papyrus-uk.org/)
This should be issued to GP’s and all medics particularly psychiatrists nationwide. I will print it out. I am a member of PAPYRUS and did not know then what I know now. I hold that pain in my heart forever.
I feel you Marie. You are not alone. Am holding you and all other bereaved families in my thoughts and prayers through the festive season. Lots of love, S. xxx
Richard did not get any of the care mentioned in your 10 points and he was in hospital. I’m pleased to hear Papyrus is pushing for information to be shared with parents/careers of vulnerable young people. Too many people hide behind confidentiality. Our mental health services are very poor, very little compassion.
there is a big need for us as parents to share our experience so that some learning can come from that. I wish you and your family a pleasant Christmas and a peaceful 2018! Lots of love, S. xxx
‘Lack of capacity’ is often poorly understood. ‘They’ said my son John never lacked capacity despite suffering from trauma based psychosis and an early diagnosis of lack of insight. Carers have a greater understanding of ‘lack of capacity’. If we had been listened to preventative actions could have been taken. The debates continue when the need is for more action.
Dear Brenda, yes. We need to join up our voices and continue to speak up so that it becomes impossible for anyone to ignore us. The same themes come up again and again – poor listening and collaborating. Thank you for reading and sharing. I wish you as pleasant a Christmas as possible. May 2018 bring you peace. Lots of love, S. xxx
this is so true, if the State won’t keep someone safe ( and it won’t) then family must be told so they can